O to know you more...

I am full of joy yes, turmoil on the outside but peace on the inside yet many things are running through my mind. I learnt a lot about holiness. Holiness was defined as walking like God, acting like God, talking like God, it is dying to sin and to the law. It is taking a while for it all to sink in, but still listening...

Announcement: This is a random post because i am not writing about anything in particular. 
My blog will be a hundred post in the next two post and i have already started working on the four questions i have received. Blogfam, you just don't want to give me the questions i want so four questions it is, if you like don't send me questions if you like do 'wink'.


So i am good as good as can be, had some drama two weeks ago, did fine in handling it. Family is moving forward and work is moving forward, my spiritual life is moving forward. I am following my goals and i think i need a holiday but i have two weddings to attend out of town, one in August and one in September and then i will be taking 4 days each. So i am saving my time-off to go and have fun with my peeps.

Peace you all and my hundredth post will be having two special surprises, i may be posting pictures so watch out. Wouldn't you like to unveil 'tisha'

Word for me:

John 3: (something. Clue: when Jesus was talking to Nicodemus about the new creation)The wind blows where it wills... expect the unexpected!

I have the desire to write but...

I did anyway because a lot is going on i can't say.

Today i'll be copying b'ratti and still being me.

Goals for the week.

(Thot: I'll keep modifying this, lol, it make the world go around and keeps me happy and in purpose)

1. Appreciate the Holy Ghost

I do and i am less mechanical about things like i could accomplish anything without God lol. I am very aware that i am a frail human on my own.

2. Write; become more professional

The babe is learning. I am fellowshipping with the spirit more and so i am so much more confident, its like you can't spend time with God and come out lesser. It is not a feeling; just an impression on my spirit.

3. Pray out of love and not duty

I am learning to do this more. Do not be a dutiful daughter to God or to your dad. Learn to do things out of love not passive/active manipulation because if you look at it anyhow, manipulation is witchcraft (the first time pastor m said this i laughed out loud)

4. Work: learn to research

I want to learn to work better and be productive and more purposeful but still understanding that God blesses whatever i do but i must needs do something that he may bless it.

5. Laugh 

I need to laugh more. I saw my laughter crooked in my camera phone cos i was thinking of folks that were annoying me but when i had peace, i was totally adorable. (blowing my trumpet se, pastor m says i should never be afraid to blow my trumpet cos there are many who will try to break me down; i should still pursue humility sha)

6. Dance

I used to dance freely in my office during break time, that used to be my recharge time; emotionally that is. I don't know why i don't feel so free to sing at the top of my voice and dance freely anymore, about to start it again.

7.Be thankful, learn patience

Lord i am thankful cos you are faithful. God saved my dad'd life this past monday, i couldn't tell no one because i was not sure if i would be encouraged or discouraged. My dad prayed in the name of Jesus. I was so happy. I feel a nudging to minister Christ to him but something keeps holding me back, i am not sure what to do, i wanted it to be solely Holy Ghost like mine, no one got me saved, i reached a decision myself. Agreeing to receive the Holy Ghost was a bit more difficult; the giving in part. The words were easy, i just refused to believe in my heart until...

I am thankful sha! Most everything i prayed for has been answered.

8. Do something different don't think the same way

Work different every day. Make sure the word of God is renewing your mind everyday. Work different, take different, act different, think different,

9. Take your self out 

Pastor M told me to do this. It is not by force to date if you are not ready or you don't have what you want. 'Take yourself out'. I told all my friends till they started doing it. my elder sis told me not to worship pastor m. I don't, i just love him a lot because he taught me how to walk in the kingdom and that is something special.

10. Hang out with your gals.

I did. My BFF and and i hung out with some other gals. I don't know how to encourage her but i just know that everyday i talk with her Zoe is rubbing off on her from me somehow because i know the life of God is bubbling inside me and guess what, she has word of knowledge too. I was so happy for her when she told me, its just snippets, she can develop it. Problem is i don't know how it works. I know that if i speak in tongues and put no pressure on me the connection btw God and i is so much clearer. Whatever, i am going to keep speaking in tongues. Thank you God for sending me a friend. (My bro' told me not to expect her to be perfect; i don't i just love her the way she is o)

I had a dream and the only way i can interpret is that God is saying 'Wait again' and i got a confirmation from my cousin. She just sent me an offline that God's ministers are never in a hurry so i shouldn't be in a hurry, i was tempted to yell 'yeah right' but my cousin has the patience of a saint.

Anyhow i am way off perfect, i am saved by grace. And i am glad about it o! I lied and the only reason i was bothered was because my p saw it and i was like this is crazy, you are becoming like the world. You are supposed to be bothered because of God and not your p. So i corrected myself. 

I just asked 'what matters more?' Who would you like to please?

My meditation today is that God is not intimidated by anything and He is on your side and not against you not because of you but because of Christ and He loves you because of who He is. Selah

Interlude:

Some idiot, a colleague is pissed at me (don't knw why, don't care). I made a passing comment and said you know how children are and he said 'I do but do you?' in this sarcastic voice like he had concluded on me. I just replied with all confidence in a calm voice 'I will'. Lol

NASTY INTERLUDE

That same stupid idiot i talked about above told me i was gay oha' because she and i are close. I told him point blank that i am straight, the idiot never edifies me. I don't know why he won't stay away from me, he's always pretending, i just know God has given his wifey grace to handle his irresponsibility. I want a man of His word sha, was talking with my sisters today and i said, 'If Jesus is not Lord over a man's life' i am not sure i can be with him, he seems impossible to find abi, God makes impossible things possible.

Okay i know why he is mad but i don't carel, God is in control and not intimidated, even i don't know what will happen but now i am looking at it under a microscope, the movie is interesting to watch! lol

Something is in the works, it works for my good sha!

Okay NOW i am begging, I know i have said a lot and there is practically no secret so please please, pretty please, ask me some questions, i have only two posts to go before i do my special for my hundredth post, it is going to be like awards. It will be a blessing and fun so please ask away...

I know who i am -yeah!

Many things happened yesterday, naturally speaking i should have been discouraged. I guess that was the plan but instead i took the bulls by the horn wondered what Jesus would do and did it and had a great time while i was at it. I saved a soul, tis left to show him how Jesus is and pray Jesus breathes on him and he receives the Holy Ghost so he can live victorious.


I am in a hostile environment, i know. i have gotten different advice, leave, show them, be you, grow (This was the best and it was from the Holy Ghost, most other people think with their emotions, me too sometimes but i am learning otherwise to focus instead on what is needful; hearing Jesus' words and doing them)


I have changed so much and it gladdens my heart, i was scared i would be bitter or scarred or cynical and useless to Jesus and myself in the end and many times i was pretty close to being that way but the Holy Ghost would not let me go (Holy Ghost i love you and i appreciate your presence)


I read this in a friends blog and i want to define me again (Aside: God is faithful and i am glad i know Him, been through a lot but he has been with me all along)


NOTE 
The particular thot is in red
My friends thot is in blue
My thot is in yellow


All represent the Christ way of doing things, God shows up when you do things his way, i am convinced of this:


Today,
I choose joy . . .

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.


i choose to joy when others try to keep me in a place of sorrow, i choose to joy when God brightens my day with his presence like the bright sun. My fav scripture used to be "and darkness comprehended  it (light) not" meen satan and his cohorts will constantly be confounded by me cos i am protected on every side, me and my family and loved ones. My angels are constantly on assignment and doing what they have been sent of God when i speak in tongues and even when i don't.

I choose peace . . .


He has given me peace and he keeps me in peace so long as i focus on Him, Lord my heart is full to overflowing, you love me with an everlasting love and i can never work for it and i don't want to try, just want to bask in your love. (I needed peace a lot today but God equipped me sunday cos he saw monday *I am pleased, i got a fulfilment so i am encouraged and confident; sometimes i am like Abraham and i need proofs, Lord help me trust you more*)

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.


Tis what He wants. I can forgive, have forgiven several times, no one can keep me in a prison of my own making. Nothing is worth the pain that comes from harbouring unforgiveness towards anyone. I choose to  a light heart always. The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.

I choose patience . . .

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.


Over the years i have learnt godly patience, i have learnt that if God holds you back, he has got a good reason and unlike man, i can trust Him, he has no hidden agenda, he simply loves and wants to guide me. When God sasys 'Go forward' i know to keep moving even if i can't see my front and to keep trusting cos he's not intimidated and he has got it under control, everything and he's not limited, neither am i

I choose kindness . . .

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.


I will be kind to the people around me, i refuse fear cynicism and manipulative tendencies. i choose to live and love and be victorious, there is nothing greater than love and life is full of lessons if we will look closely. i will be kind to those that deserve it and thiose that don't.

I choose goodness . . .

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.


It hurts but its worth it travelling the road less travelled. It hurts again but if i had to do it again, i would do the same thing again, choose God each time and his ways

I choose faithfulness . . .

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.


I choose faithfulness each time no matter what comes my way cos i answer to One greater than I who has my interest at heart, he does not want to control me, he just wants the best for me from the depths of Him, He is goodness personified and faithful always. I choose to be exactly like Him because this is who i am 

I choose gentleness . . .

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.


I learnt gentleness at a time when i had so much anger tearing at my insides there was violence inside but instead i chose to express gentleness. So every time i feel violence, i express Christ in me. Many think gentleness is inbred for me but i believe every one is capable of violence given the right catalyst. Yes the Holy Ghost makes it possible for us to do and be the impossible, we just need to change our thinking and be like Christ.
No moving backward for me to the old way of thinking, its forward ever


Selah 
I choose you Christ Jesus again today and if i had to choose again between you and going bad, i would still choose you again. Its a matter of CHOICE afterall

We are moving soon...

I wrote lots of stuff but it didn't go
so maybe its not yet time to say

i must keep quiet about it then
The HG is still speaking

Had a great time saturday night
i don't know if it was because
i did evangelism the afternoon
of saturday and i saved a soul

or because my sister woke me
and i knew i needed to pray
so i could strengthen my fellowship
with my God

whatever!
I am glad
saw a couple of things that strengthened my resolve
not interpreting anything

Just glad that Jesus loves me...

where i am TODAY...

Today…

I feel at peace. If anyone asked me if I ever wanted to work in faith based organizations after I have been through the wringer these last three years I would say a big no and run far away and never volunteer or even offer to use my gifts for the work of God (cos that is what it really is!)

Everything they say about faith based organizations is true, you will feel used and unappreciated many times, you will feel run over, you will think that ‘koro’ can get folks ahead faster than doing the right thing and you will feel honesty is not the best policy and after a while you will wonder if you are working for God or just to fill your belly. Your beliefs, your mindset, who you are and what you stand for will be challenged daily and if you fall it is only because your strength was small. Many days, you will even want to just ‘fall’ and get it over with and go live the world way.

What they won’t tell you by the way, is that, amidst all the jockeying, lobbying, politicking and small (stupid in my opinion) talks, there is a God actively working in the people who are sensitive enough to hear Him and do His bidding. What no one will tell you is that God is there; but to hear Him, you have to consciously shut out the world and really believe Him like you say you do. What some would not tell you is that even though you feel like every thing is out of control or going the wrong way, He has got His hands on the rudder, gently steering you in the path He has chosen for you, they won’t tell you cos sometimes they don’t know, and sometimes they half-believe God is not involved even I sometimes forget that God is in charge of steering my life in the direction He wants it to go for a better purpose than I have planned for me.

Lately, I was just going on and on about how I wanted the mind of God established on earth concerning me and my family and then I asked myself if I did not already have the blueprints drawn and was waiting on God’s approval instead of asking Him where He wanted me to go. I slapped my head ‘ohmyGod here I go again’. I started being thankful because I again recognized the hand of God. In March 2009, I sowed se, I sowed only because I wanted money beyond my imagination so I could be financially free and not beholden to anyone. I wanted to be ‘free’. Let me say that I knew what I wanted but not what I needed so when I got to the gathering of believers and God singled me out as usual with a word, I was embarrassed and then nonplussed, I was like ‘what did I ask you for? O Lord you have started again?’ I wanted finances and God gave me healing, the healing was worth more than any amount of money he could have given me, funny thing is i was not consciously or unconsciously expecting it, i was only religiously expecting it cos i had waited a while...

The scriptures say that …if we ask according to his will, he heareth us and that if he heareth us, we know he has answered… The scriptures say, ‘that sometimes we ask ‘amiss’ that “…he makes things beautiful in His time…” that …His thoughts are always good…

All of this is true but I had picked the one I wanted to believe because all the rest were constantly being rationalized for me that he may not (they could be ambiguous statements, they could mean anything) , He may do this but not want to do this so I looked for an unambiguous scripture that could only mean one thing Jer 29:11 says “…the thoughts He has towards me are thoughts of God and not of evil…” I personalized it and fasheed the rest, I did not care what the other areas had to do with it, all I wanted to know was that He was good all the time and today I believe the word of God (all of it) because he proved himself to me in one of his word that I could speak… Did I need Him to prove Himself? I could say no but when it carried to application I did not believe. why? (you can say I paid lip-service subconsciously; you know there are words you say religiously but it does not carry to actions, this was how i was). I wanna believe Him all the time because I know He is real and true but sometimes I just lose focus and get hung up on the things that don’t even add up when you consider what is important!

I am studying the power of speaking consciously and unconsciously because subconsciously I am learning, my mind focuses on words and the effect and power of those words over time, I am teaching me to be careful how I speak and what I say and it is not easy, I have been doing it for a while but I need to prune my thoughts and my words from time to time that I may be pleasing to Him who has bought me with a great price. I am a work in progress but still a new creation nonetheless, I am a king/priest/ exactly like Christ representing but still in training, I choose to continue to be teachable by His grace and open to deeper truths by His spirit. The only way to grow is to read the word of God, study and fellowship with the Spirit of God so i am consciously studying the word, fellowshipping is another thing, i get too subconscious!

My mind has been on Zechariah for a coupla day’s, not seeing anything but I know there is something there for me, not pushing it though, can’t take the pressure or can i?

I remember ‘Nigerian Drama Queen and 36 and Mz Dee today, they were my first friends that I really gbaduned on blogger and they thought me to always explain the Nigerians slang I used, it just got away from me with time decided to give some respect to the folks that aren’t Nigerian who may visit my blog, hi guys!

I wrote face book just now (before writing blogger I mean), don’t mind me, I finally admit it, I am addicted to face book and its not a bad addiction (take note x-school nerd)’

Meaning of words:

Koro - crooked means

Jockeying, lobbying, politicking- living the way of the world as opposed to the word of God

Se/abi – right

OhmyGod here I go again – a phrase I like

Fasheed – Forgot about the rest

Gbadun- like

Gbaduned - my word for ‘liked’

These words mean I am Nigerian and when I am gisting; all these different languages come in from time to time and make themselves at home.

Final word: When i joined the faith based organization, i was not sure what God had in store for me, all i knew was that as much as actions belied the fact, i was convinced that God was there and it was not because of anything i could see on the outside.

God has been faithful and has not disappointed me! He's faithful and if He tells you something, you can bank on it


Please send me Questions for my 100th post, i only have three or four question yet and i am hoping for at least 20, at most 50...pretty please

Tisha rules or Tisha's rules...

Tell me i didn't write this

but i did now yesterday, i knew i must update so i started to write about and this happened:

(Let me just say these are my idiosycrasies and i want to be able to say i am unafraid of being myself totally, nothing hidden but truth is i am still a work in progress (sigh!) wish i was perfect now)

‘Roc’ said I had a gift and I believed hi but I find myself lightening many things because I know I have an audience so it’s difficult to let all of me show and I hate the public eye have I ever told you that? Don’t get me wrong I know how to comport myself in public. I have been going for state dinners since I was 7. I should know but I still hate the public eye, it bring out the socialite in me lol, Our parents trained us to be socialites (my sibs and I), I can stand toe-to-toe with the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and not be intimidated. I hear a laugh! Who is Jonathan Goodluck? If you were talking about Barack Obama, I would be impressed. 


This is my answer, I don’t see any difference between Barack or Jonathan, they are both presidents, life is about giving respect to whom it is due, I guess I can handle that!

I was going to call this three thoughts on blogger today, still haven’t made up my mind but I am sure I am uploading this…

Love is a free gift, yes It’s a free gift; , I have never asked my friends to love me (the ones who do) It happens naturally, they love me without conditions and I love them the same way, I don’t know of any other way to love and I don’t want to love like ‘them’ tis more like living in hell on earth, nothing real, everything feigned. If it’s difficult to accept, too bad (I am not ‘you’ I could never be you), I don’t have to cater to anyone’s emotions. I have known true love all my life from God, family, friends and even total strangers and from all the people I have been blessed to be associated with; I have learnt to give out love freely, a free gift expecting nothing. I don’t want to learn another way to love (don’t mind learning how to love better by the word of God only). I have never paid for love in my life and I don’t plan to ever do so. No one can pay for my love, no one can earn it. I don’t give love as a reward, a strategy or anything like that, I give it freely. I am a lovely young woman favored with ‘great love’ from God and I try to love the people in my sphere of influence the same way, without condition or with nary a reason.

I daresay I am strong enough to survive unrequited love (lol, I sound like a romantic se, this is reality o) and love again (cos His love has been shed abroad in my heart).

I am discerning enough to know that if I want to move up in life (God’s way) I should surround myself with people who encourage and build me, faith wise and otherwise (John’s, Peter’s, Andrews, Nicodemus, Joseph’s of Arimathea etc). I am twenty what (lol, you thought I would say right, yeah, keep guessing), not a kid, not too exposed but sheltered enough to value openness in an individual (a street smart person would never trust, only pretend to and then strike like a serpent, true o, I have seen it happen a time or two) I am glad I am not street smart, being street smart is a choice.

I am daring enough to refuse to become a pretender; I value my relationship with God too much for that. I refuse to be overcome by evil (my favorite scene in ‘Man on Fire’ is when the nun told Denzel Washington (He’s my favorite actor smile!) that he could decide to overcome evil with good and he revealed that he learnt the scripture in Sunday school but life had beaten him so much that he did not believe the word anymore, I swear, lol I cried a tear or two and then I laughed). That movie shaped me, I can choose so I refuse to be bitter and angry and nasty, if I can’t say anything nice about a person I better shut up rather than being silly and developing contaminating my seed with selfish attitudes and evil hearts no this is not me, I have a heart of flesh, the one He gave me when I accepted him into my heart (Haggi 2:14). I saw this morning and I wanted to weep, doing the word of God was not difficult after this. I refuse to see from the side of lack, I view life from the mountaintop from the position of abundance always; I know who I am.

When I love, I truly love and my nine year old self is proud of whom I am today and so am i. I value those things that others despise, the ability to stand for what you believe in, integrity, honor, love. I am one of the few; I have never wanted to be common so I guess its good enough for me

RULES OF BOUNDARY SETTING

I don’t let everyone into my inner circle, the people I do let in, I allow to be themselves all the time. I am neither controlling nor manipulative, I allow them to be themselves all the time and I expect the same courtesy.

I give the freedom to speak up and speak out and try not to take things personal when they do (I am usually successful when they speak in love and not in vindictiveness, I never do things to make others look back, it is not in my nature)

I give the freedom to express your likes and dislikes (I sometimes fight with my siblings verbally now we are older lol, after very strong expressions but we are always the better for it)

I allow them criticize and correct me and I listen with rapt attention to their advice because I know they really care and are not just out to cut the neck that was stuck out because someone took a stand.

I give advice but I also leave the final decision to them to make because I respect their individuality

I am a friend but not their controller and since I listen a lot; having influence over their lives is only a matter of time.

Practicing ‘giving freely’ is something I cultivated. A lot of folks don’t know the meaning of those two words but the ones that do will always win my respect. This is one of the things that set me apart and it is something I look out for in friends; I am proud to say that I have good friends that I can even count them on more than one hand.

(Christ is my role-model, he gave freely after all he had done, he did not force anyone to receive salvation, you can choose to accept or reject salvation; choice is always involved)

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER (You will laugh, read this!) Once I was in college and my dad threw bundles of money at me and asked me to go to school, he was angry at me. I was 17 at the time and in college and guess what I did?

I considered it an insult and I threw the money right back at him and went to my room to ‘sulk’ lol. My stubbornness did not start today, it’s inborn. I detest ‘disrespect’ in whatever form, I can’t stand it. I can ignore it but I refuse to tolerate it. If I refused to take it from my dad do you imagine I would take it from anyone else? It’s difficult to believe but I have a personality so strong, it belies my ‘soft look’ on the outside. I can be very hard and unyielding on the inside.

Any yieldedness I display, I learnt from following the lead of the Holy Spirit, if you had met me years ago you would believe you got hit by a tornado. Funny enough, with the Holy Ghost, I am stronger than I ever was relying on my intelligence, logic and my physical senses so why should would I choose to trust my physical senses now? I made up my mind before ever I started ‘this’ but now I am out in the ocean again! I can’t make up my mind until I have heard ‘Him’ speak again. Maybe I should just keep doing what I have been doing rather than depending on me to chart my course. Where I want to go and where ‘He’ wants to take me, which do you think is better.

I know what to do, I got to be dead to the world, no one can hurt me because a dead man has no feelings and no personal agenda, he just knows that since it’s Christ who lives, he’s working through me on this earth (cos as a human I have a legal right to function on this earth and He can reach people through me) what are His marching orders?

I had no idea I was heading here when I started writing, I wanted to be a real human but now I am a real supernatural spirit operating with the body he gave me…

Selah!

PS

Please send me questions for my hundredth post, it is fast approaching…

(I am keeping a record and I promise to be totally honest but if I can’t answer the question on blogger, I will mail it to your email …)

In deep thots...

I was thinking thinking and thinking and so i went to my very first pastors page on facebook to look at how he thinks and where he receives inspiration and maybe i didn't quite find what i was looking for but i found these three questions and i tried to answer them as best i could...

3 Questions:

1.Who am I?

I am 'tisha', i am a new creation in Christ Jesus, everyday i walk with the Holy Ghost a little closer, i am committed to the ministry of reconciliation (letting people know about the good news that Christ has paid for sin and its consequences and a free gift is available). The platform i use to spread the gospel is where i work, the people i come across and impact a little more everyday for Jesus. Every other thing is just a part of this major thing, if i do this, then i am alright with Jesus.

 

2.Where am I? 

Right now, i am on my way to destiny by the things that i do everyday, it may not look like much and of course i am not satisfied with it (if you knew me, you would know why) but i am confident that even though it looks like i am charting my course, i know that he leads me everyday. How do i know that? Because every morning when i wake up, i can see the sun rise and i know that is a sign of his covenant, and on my way home after work, i can see the sun setting and i know only Him can make the sun rise and set...

God is faithful and the spiritual is so much more real than this physical.

3.Where am I going?

I can see tomorrow with my eyes of the spirit and i know that it is beautiful and full of promise and prosperity and joy and peace and love and success and everything divine. I see growth in all areas, i see favor and compassion, i see me becoming a better person and adding value as usual. I see a life lived in purpose to please God but nothing boring, i see a fun life, adventurous and full of everything God considers good, this is my life for he perfects all that concerns and at the scent of water cause everything that concerns me to bud and be full of life, He takes care of everything i put in His hands. 

Selah

My scripture for the week:

"But to attain these gifts, you need more than faith, you must also work hard to be good and even that is not enough. For you must learn to know God better and discover what he wants you to do. Next learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient and godly, gladly letting God have his way with you. This will make it possible for the next step which is for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply. The more you go on this way, the more you will grow strong spiritually and become useful to our Lord Jesus Christ"

The above scripture i blogged with in Dec 2008 and it was a catalyst for a great many good things in my life. Growing up i used to have headaches if i cried, have heart burn if i had a shouting match or my chest would contract if i held anger inside. so i grew up not fighting much, as i have grown older in my Christian faith, i have come to understand that retaining negative emotions stagnates your growth and the Holy Ghost will speak but you won't hear so i am sharing this with you in the hope that the word of God changes you the way it has changed me.

PS By the way i am right now undergoing 'change' again, i think i am getting used to it.

What love means to me...

Office Politics: No not Myne Whitman, reality, lol

I (Tisha) came to the office today and saw my shallow colleagues, glimpsed their insecurities fear and laughed inside at their silly attempts at manipulation. I am glad I see them from the mountain-top again, I can hear them, I can see them but they can no longer hurt me because I am walking in-love again and I have the help of the Holy Spirit, I am no longer on my own. Being on my own can be so scary sometimes. It’s not that God leaves; it’s that my activities are too important (at least that is what my actions covey) and so I (unintentionally) shut Him out so that when He speaks i can’t hear Him (I am not even aware that he is speaking sometimes).

I watched this beautiful movie I watched as a teenager “A walk to remember” and it impacted me again and again the way it did the first time I watched it, and the second and the third and the fourth time…lol, I have watched it a million times.

Below are the stuff it inspired me to write (You thought I was going to tell you the movie, too easy, you have to go and find it for yourself and watch it, it’s a great movie! Sound Track, Jars of Clay, I dare you to run by Switch Foot and loads of gospel rock groups, you know I like rock now don’t ya?)

This is what I learnt again:

Love is always patient and kind:

In the past year, I have not been as patient and kind as I should have been, somewhere along the line, I forgot that I should be depending on the Holy Ghost because I was feeling too crowded and instead of withdrawing I braved it but I thank God for His mercies, I am back to depending on Him and not on me.

It is never jealous:

I would like to say that I was never jealous but many times I may have displayed the right attitude in public and tried but many times I was out of line with God’s word because I expected, I am not quite sure what…

It is never boastful or conceited:

It is not in my nature to boast but I was proud now and again, I was boastful many times not to glorify God but to put myself in the eye of the public, something I thought I was immune to… I am frail as every other person on the planet when I put off my armor of God, I am going to try to remember that I should be fully kitted at all times.

It is never rude or selfish:

I was selfish many times, sometimes rude because when you can’t see God clearly, every other person is so clear and it’s easy to make mistakes and fall for schemes when your eyes are not fixed on God.

It does not take offence and is not resentful:

I was so offended and resentful I fell ill, I recognized the trend but I could not stop myself. I wonder again how Jesus always knew when a battle wasn’t worth fighting and when to speak and how to always ensure that in his dealings with others he still pleased God. I seriously admire how Jesus outdid the Pharisees and Sadducees each time and Lord I ask for the same wisdom in Jesus name, in fact I thank you for I have it.

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins:

Sometimes you may not be on the mountain top but you may be high enough to see people’s flaws so clearly and their frailties and their little manipulations. I saw all too clearly and I took pleasure when they did wrong and I was God’s good little girl who always did right perfect in my own eyes (there I became what I hated, a Galatian, I am glad I am back to depending on God’s grace) and you know what he says, if you shed His righteousness and put on yours, how far can you really go?

But delights in the truth:

I delight in the truth of God’s word, my prayer is that I would always live in the light of what God has said and make all my heritage rights my present-hour possession cos He loves me enough to want me to have them.

It is always ready to excuse, to trust and to hope and endure whatever comes:

I don’t even want to talk about being ‘the judge’ cos I am still trying to take off the wig so I can be a new creation again without the weights and the stress of trying to keep up with the works. It’s so difficult cos I want to scream and shout and say this is the way you are, you aren’t perfect, you just see yourself through rose colored glasses and you see others under your huge microscope but gratefully I am not the judge, I am a new creation in Christ Jesus and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Every day that comes I am expecting favor and goodness and mercy and tomorrow is always better than today cos I know that Jesus loves me not for what I will benefit him but for no reason at all. It’s unconditional!


PS I just finished a seminar and i felt like i felt two years ago and only God could have got me thru it, i almost fainted at one point, it was like i had an out of body experience, i could not believe Mr. J would hurt me like that, i sha know i'll thrive and not just survive no matter what i happens, they were so nasty, there is no other word to describe it. 
I just want to say (smile) i am happy i wrote the "i have finally forgiven post on my other blog" (check on the blogs i love...) Holy Ghost is so awesome and i love him so much because at a point i wanted to burst into tears at their meanness but that is who they are and this is who i am and i am strong. I am a strong black woman filled with the Holy Ghost

BOMB

I fell for someone a while ago and ‘I love him’. My BFF is always saying there is the guy you will fall for that you will never forget. I love him and will always love him no matter what anyone says because in the course of my falling for him, my relationship with God grew stronger; my bond with the Holy Ghost became unbreakable. I love him and I thank him for making me a different person and a better and a stronger person and Christian (even without knowing!), he has changed my life forever and I will never forget him and I thank God and I thank him for being who he is.

I know there are a lot of people friend/foe reading my blog but guess what? I don’t care any longer and I am fed up of accommodating negative emotions so guess what I am going to do every thing in my power to love ‘you’ (the friend and foe and whoever) and I am thankful that the Holy Ghost is helping me again so I say to you “greater is He who lives in me that he who lives in the world”. I spent the better part of three hours reading John the divine 1, 2 and 3 and the major thing he was talking about in all three was loving your brother whom you see since you say you love a God you can’t see and come what may I am going to fulfill this scripture, the love of God has been shed abroad in my heart so I have the capacity to love the unreachable, unlovable and whoever and I believe that love is the greatest force on earth so even as I am loving, I trust the Holy Ghost to be transforming everyone else but most especially me too!

I am tired of being a Galatian and a judge; I just want to be a new creation, free and possessing all of the good stuff that has been prepared for me, tired of living ordinary. I want to live exactly the way God made me, i can be like Jesus because God said, let us make man in our image and likeness so like Jesus I will be day in day out…

Revelation I got this morning:

God saw the earth and it was without form and void and darkness was on the face of the earth, gross darkness not a mild one. God didn’t say “O look, this earth is so dark and shapeless and formless and let me go to my heaven that’s bright like the sun” No, he saw darkness and He said “Light be…”. Isn’t it amazing? Well my decision, I am not like any human on earth or like other people who have travelled the road I have, I am like my father and I say “I am the light of the world”. Why? Cos he said so, I call light out of darkness because I have the creative ability of my father and I am full of the life of God and of the spirit of God.

(Okay I got to stop praying because this is not my prayer blog, this is my personal blog and please don’t forget to vote for me. Tisha, winner of Most Personal Blog Award)

I love you blogfam!

I love this post too, so me…

“…just as you hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it will go so it is with the spirit” John 3:8

I love you Holy Spirit.