am moving on again

It may not be perfect
but...


Whatever
God is faithful
He always comes through


I knew all of this
6months ago
so its no surprise

Learning new things sha
and i am still growing

God has more plans
My ears is open
But my lips are sealed.

Peace
I love anyway...

100 truths!

100 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT TISHA.

1. Last drink- water
2. Last phone call- my phone's missing, getting a new one this week
3. Last text message- none
4. Last song you listened to- frank Edwards 'don't you know you are beautiful'
5. Last time you cried- last week while watching Tyler Perry’s movie “why did I get married” i wanna watch it.


HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice - No way
7. Been cheated on- I don’t know! i am not a detective!
8. Kissed someone and regretted it- nope
9. did anyone notice 9 was missing: I am just loving God right now, can't explain it. He's so good and dependable and sure!
10. Been depressed – sadly i am human so yes, i have been
11. Been drunk and threw up – don't drink


LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS:
12. Blue
13. brown
14. wine red dresses or tops (still looking!)


IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends? Yes - a few
16. Fallen out of love?- Nope. when i fall, i never fall out of love, can move on and fall in love again. (done it twice)
17. Laughed until you cried? yeah it's fun
18. Met someone who changed you? Yeah - Jesus and a couple of friends
19. Found out who your true friends were? I have in 2000, and consequently other years
20. Found out someone was talking about you? yeah lotta times. made me mad, now i am used to it.
21. Kissed anyone on your friends list? not even in my dreams. yes, one.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life?-
More than enough
23. How many kids do you want to have?- 3 - twin boys and a girl
24. Do you have any pets? Yes. I am my own pet, would have wanted a puppy but what about when its a dog, don't like dogs.
25. Do you want to change your name?- nah! tisha is special
26. What did you do for your last birthday?- Bought cake and drinks and had fun. got lots of love from family, friends on FB and otherwise, foes even
27. What time did you wake up today?- woke at 2 am to pray, but woke up at 6.30am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?- Sleeping!
29. Name something you cannot wait for – To start my own business and be successful at the things i do.
30. Last time you saw your father- today, i live with my dad
31. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life?- The pace its moving at, i am so eager to do many things.
32. What are you listening to right now?- Just finished listening to 'Enough' by Chris Tomlin.
33. Have you ever spoken to someone named Tom? nope, you shoulda said tunde
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?- nothing right now, yesterday and 2 days before, it was controlling folks, today i have given it over to God
35. Most visited web page? www.facebook.com
36. What's your real name? wouldn't you like to know?
37. Nicknames- t-names, many
38. Relationship status- single
39. Zodiac sign- virgo (really)
40. Male, female or transgendered- beautifully feminine
41. Infant school – something military
42. Junior school– something military
43. High school- something military
44. Hair colour- scanty brown (i think)
45. Long or short- short when i am not on a weave and when it not roasting hot like now.
46. Height- 5 4' tall (smile)
47. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope, no crushes this year, at least no new ones
48. What do you like about yourself?- I love my Heart and my spirit, my body is another matter, i pamper my body and then some, feed my spirit sha!
49. Piercings- Nope
50. Tattoos – Nope
51. Righty or lefty - Righty

FIRSTS:
52. First surgery- None
53. First piercing- None
54. First bestfriend- a chic
56. First kiss - I don’t kiss n tell. (yeah me too! thanks colyns, i wasn't sure how to get out of that one)
57. First concert- can't remember, i love em'
58. First crush- i was 14


RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating- ate pastry and milk lol
60. Drinking- will milk do?
61. I'm about to- go meet with my Father.
62. Listening to- I told you before.
63. Waiting for- My dreams to come true...


YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids?- passionately (3)
65. Get married?- yup!
66. Careers in mind? Advertising and charity


WHICH IS BETTER ON THE OPPOSITE SEX:
67. Lips or eyes? Eyes i guess or lips, character matters more to moi! you should look good sha!
68. Hugs or kisses? Both
69. Shorter or taller? taller meen!
70. Older or younger? Does it matter? maybe, maybe not but preferably older
71. Romantic or spontaneous?romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? both
73. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive
74. Hook up or relationship? relationship of course
75. Trouble maker or hesitant? none


HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Shoplifted?- no.
77. Drank hard liquor?- nope
78. Lost glasses/ contacts?- don't need em, you know 20/20 vision, yeah i have it.
79. Sex in a public place?- No
80. Broken someone's heart?- i have, did not mean to sha!
81. Had your heart broken?- yep. i am human after all.
82. Been arrested?- No
83. Turned someone down?- yes
84. Cried when someone died?- Yeah, cry later mostly when i am in ma room
85. Liked a friend that is a guy/girl? - Of course.


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself?- yes
87. Miracles?- yes o!
88. Love at first sight? I don’t do love @ first sight but I can like someone at first sight
89. Heaven?- my home
90. Santa Clause? myth
91. Kiss on the first date? - no way
92. Angels?- I am a saint


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Is there one person you want to be with right now? yep lol
94. Had more than one bf/gf at one time?- nope. nope
95. Did you sing today? Yup. singing right now, always singing
96. Any regrets?- no regrets but I have done stuffs I am not proud of,now i just do my best to please God
97. If you could go back in time how far would you go? NOW
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it what day would it be?-my birthday
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?- Nope. i look forward to it.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?- truthfully all the way

My 'papa' didn't raise no fool...

So my spiritual dad taught me good. He did not raise a chic that would not know a 'playa' from a real guy.

So there's being drama in the office as usual. compared to last year, i have been prepared for any drama both physically and emotionally.

Guess what i did? i laid my sh..t bare to myself. i weighed the options, checked what i would gain and what i would lose. I checked where i stood with God if i would be pleasing him or not and put my self out there. I still covered my rear cos when you are at war in deep waters; you really don't know who has got your back and a superior somewhere told me "in this office, if you think anyone has got your back, you have got to be joking", i just told myself "abi one with God is majority, God has got my back then"
so i knew i was on my own so i called on the God of Abraham, in my case i wwill call him the God of Tisha. lol

I would have gotten hurt had i not prepared. i needed to know if it was worth it and all that. i still don't know

Good thing: I covered all the bases and i came out looking good and i was still sincere. i feel good about me and about the decisions i have been making. i know i will get God's best for me. How? He's got my back all the way. I am following the letter totally so i am good with God and with the folks around me. Monkey business is going on but i know the God who stands for me is not dead, i serve a living God.

I am still dreaming big! no one can take that away from me.

PS
If you don't understand, don't worry, it just means you havent been keeping a date

... still tisha all the way
Smile (Confidence is contagious and i have excess because He's speaking again)

i love to love...

I love how you are consistent
how you can be yourself and still love!

I love how i can be so totally losing it
and you still love me

i love how i can be focusing on my flaws and inadequacies
and still you love me

i love how i can be feeling that there's more, i mean there ought to be more
and you complete me

i love how i can be searching for guarantee
and you show me your words (o how they lift me)

i love how when i was searching, desperate desolate and you found me
just cos you love me

there can be no other like you...

i love how when i am searching for my boaz
and you say you hold him

thank you for helping me know how to love
cos you put your love in my heart

thank you for keeping my boaz
cos you love me.

I wanted to write a poem about my love for my boaz but i don't totally know how to love a man except God teaches me and so i wrote the poem to the lover of my soul, the one who completes me so i can complement another (......)

lol

trusting God

I got the courage to extract this from my private blog and post on my public blog because i am finally sure i can handle whatever...

Hey blogaratti, i stole ur poem and used it, hope you are not angry, it means something different to me than what it means to you...

he (BLOGORATTI) sounds a lot like someone i like, i could have said liked but its liked, he has such a forceful personality and is selfish (this makes me think i am crazy o) its not enough to sacrifice my faith for sha but enough to hurt sometimes cos i am a fixer and because i see no way out but i know that God is the way-maker.

I do not like the way you stare at me.
With those wild eyes.
(my eyes can be haunted, wild eyes, i don't know if i have wild eyes. i don't know that i stare at him but since i am afraid i have a message in my eyes, i usually avoid his eyes but my boss is still not satisfied)


I do not like the way you look.
With those dark clothes.
(i do wear dark clothes though, i will try to buy new clothes but will i be doing it because of me or because i like looking good, as soon as i resolve those feelings, then i will buy new shirts)



I do not like the way you love.
Empty feeling and emotions.
(i don't love, i only hold my emotions in because seriously i don't feel loved or comfortable in my environment. i don't know if i can have their kind of marriage and be satisfied in it, 'just pick anyone', 'love without trust', i feel they are living empty lives and the way the holy ghost makes me feel when i worship makes me know i can't live a 50% life, its 100% or nothing)


I do not like the way you are.
A stranger hiding in the dark.
(i can only be a stranger until i trust and if i can't trust then what will i do? my sis has fought with me, she says i am too distant, i can't be any different and i can't help myself, it makes me cry sometimes)


What would i like?
I would like to....

Think with your thoughts.
Watch with your eyes.
Love with your heart.
Escape with your body.
(this smacks of crazy unimaginable intimacy, can i be this close to anyone or allow anyone to be this close to me. i keep freezing people out and i can't help me, i can't even stop it. i can be snobbish and nasty and standoffish just to push people away and no one is special to me as soon as i have not let you in. 'escape with your body' i am not sure i am quite comfortable with that statement, my body belonging to someone else to manipulate at will, me freely giving up my body is not something i can phantom, i am scared...

i can't let go of me and only the holy ghost can set me free and someone says i should make the decision. why do i say this? it is because dee puts me off now (when i think of him, i just want to throw up), maybe its because he just wanted to have me at every cost and i do not think i could please anyone for long, i get irritated when i feel crowded. i hate anyone hovering around...

i just get irritated and i feel it is my right to be irritated and nasty
sometimes...
i can cry in the spirit but otherwise i will never show any emotion so yes i am cold and unfeeling but that was my defence when i just got raped and i used to be hit from every direction by people i did not even know but now it is a prison i can't out of myself. i need ur help holy ghost, help me, show me the way out, heal my emotions i pray...


n.j hurt me for a millisecond and then i shut him out...

felt good because he set out to hurt me and then on my birthday after planning to hurt me, he bought me stuffs. Let me reiterate that he hurt me cos i guess he was hurt i did not wish him happy birthday on his. i was frozen i just could not.
(like the physical goodies will take the hurt away, all he succeeded in making me do is build another wall.) i think i am a construction engineer. i build walls no one can take down except me with the help of the Holy ghost.

he just showed me he had his own issues, he does not acknowledge me in the presence of others (that smacks of high school games, duh!), it just shows me that he does not know himself yet... he is not confident in God, he depends on his strength and i just remembered why i don't look in His eyes, i see fear when i look in His eyes, i am better off by myself and the Holy Ghost is working on me.

CONCLUSION
His word has the capability to produce what it talks about. its neither a myth nor a folklore. some people say we have more faith than God, untrue, its just because we want to put limits on God so we label somethings impossible as though we are putting ourselves and our word in the line. i read someone that God is not afraid of being put on the spot. He knows that all of His word is potent.