how do i feel...

i am a little hurt and a little numb the only thing that gives me confidence is that i am sure that God has said it is not him if not i would probably be crying myself to sleep i just know that he is not equipped to cope with ma issues even though he thinks he is i meanwhile have been equipped to be strong after all i am a strong black woman (tear!) sometimes i don't want to be strong i just want to let go and weep but... These are the cards i have been given i must play with the best of me this is who i am in reality! Hate that word. have to go cos i think and know that i can change things.

i am half in-love half killing the love

i am at cross-roads i can kill the love i mean i have had experience but have to continue this later. (he had just come into the office then) i think i can cope a little... i am still bent on killing the love. my greatest fear is that he will recover before i do cos the love is not feasible anyway cos it will go nowhere. i am hurting he's hurting this is crazy or maybe i am just acting hollywood. well it's all for the best and i'll be fine. just have to keep away from him well, everybody's not in support anyway and i don't see how it can work i am sure it is just carzy attraction. meen! i have had one of the most difficult quarters this year if i come through this, i can come through anything have absolutely no control peace will post something else when i am better P.S no advice cos i will know what to do after i have worked things through, just suggestions.