Sunday, November 28, 2010


Today is my thanksgiving even though i realize that the memory of other folks who have done theirs have faded.
I am thankful for:

1. God (He has stayed by me and made me strong)
2. Family (They are the best)
3. My friends (close and not so close)
4. Foes (They have helped me grow)

So i scribble on my phone and today i blog my scribbles because i am indeed thankful for a wonderful year, i have seen the mercies of God and His faithful. Thank you Jesus, i love you.

I have an audience so a lot has been edited but here goes: (major ranting to build sha)

"I refuse to be less than who i am. I refuse to be less than who God created me to be. I am a woman of virtue, full of the spirit of God. I refuse to conform to the rat race and to a world that wants to fashion me according to its principles.

I am a woman of God and i have a choice, i refuse to live less than who i was created to be. i refuse to be crooked in any way... i refuse to conform to the way things are done in the world system.

Scriptures say 'as He is in heaven so am i on earth...'

'I am a new creation, victorious in life and my environment may be speaking to me but so am i (That is what this is all about) I am bigger on the inside, i give color to the environment, i don't receive color from my environment, i am a thermostat and not a thermometer, a thermometer goes with the flow, i create my own temperature.
I am a woman of honor, virtue and integrity, a woman God is proud of even if my world disdains me, heaven is proud of me'.

Finally, i refuse to complain, murmur or gossip, it is not my heritage, my heart is good soil. It's circumstances don't change its steadfastness. The hurts and betrayals it goes through don't change its steadfastness. It cannot be broken or damaged, it is sure and trusting God daily, not myself or anyone else. Glory

I am thankful!

Words of an oak in Lebanon

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

so fast...

I am writing so soon again abi
It baffles me too

Today everyone is born again o
It's amazing
I am fighting not to be a doubter
and a scorner
But i have walked this walk
long enough to know that it
is more than what you say

It is what you do day in, day out
whether it suits you or not
and it certainly soothes them right about now

Abi i should care how long the rule-keeping
will last se.
I really don't care
I have removed hand
I am not the Holy Spirit
I should be concerned about my relationship
With Christ and how it is doing

What other folks are doing is their own business
I just need to guide my heart

By the way:
They are always murmuring
and mumuring more than anything
drives good folks away
what you will have left is the suck ups or the dry husks
of folks who begin to conform

God intervenes sha
FG is coming up soon
Excited inside
I don't want to let it out cos i might jinx it.

I feel like i am a kid in kindergarten cos those are the kind of games we play. Not down with the drama, never agreed to play/act. Now i am with the directing crew no acting for me except what God has predestined. I refuse the acting o and i am glad i have sorted it with God that there is no malice. Evil thrives in an environment of malice and anger and jealousy and certain kinds of people too. At least they appear to.

Spoke with a friend yesterday and said friend said that murmuring was too much, it just let me know that they have not given up on murmuring about me and i am now too busy  to care. Tis their way of life.
I promised God that i am not partaking of the drama, coming out by the power of the spirit of God, i know what is important to me, have always known but could not control the circumstances.

How do i do it now? I no longer care what any one thinks or reads into anything i do. In fact i want them all to think their worst and then be satisfied that there is no way forward again.

Some idiot just poked his head in here, tis why i don't trust them, they be always pocknosing. very soon it will be anointed behavior to pock nose and gossip. By the way Lord, i need your anointing today again, fill my cup Lord, you are the strength of my life.

(I will never be able to get used to hurting people for fun. For this i am glad, it means i have not conformed)

Goal for the week
Refuse to live a lack luster life. i dread the day i have to pretend for a living. I know it will never come. Even though i am calm on the outward, my personality is too explosive to pretend on any level. Tis why i choose friends carefully. Don't be angry if i don't open up to you, its just that i don't trust you and situations have shown your lack of trustworthiness so if all i got was that you were not trust worthy at the end of it all, i think it's worth it

Live the best life cos you are only living it once. Strange question: What is your idea of divine energy cos i think i have an idea. God is amazing!
I love Him

My scripture for the week:
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD

Sunday, November 14, 2010

125 - trusting Him!

Psalm 125
"Those who trust in the Lord are steady as Mount Zion, unmoved by any circumstance" TLB

"They that trust in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth forever" KJV

I was hearing about 'trust' all through this week and it was mad-annoying. God almost broke me but i being running, still running a bit so do i trust Him?
I want to forgive but not get close any longer. It's not worth it. God has been breaking me about certain things and its driving me nuts. He's shouting, at least it sounds that way 'Come out from amongst them'. It's not like they bad or anything but He wants me to think differently, walk differently, act differently, mustn't conform. I am running cos i am stuck in the rut of playing church a bit.

Two female ministers came and talked and the only thing i got from the whole meeting was that i was not trusting God. If i was afraid, i wasn't trusting Him. Anyhow i somehow left Him alone. As the women preached, their trust in God was amazing. I was way behind. Here i stood thinking: 'What makes me think that the God who loved me so would somehow leave some areas of my life un-handled?'

Whatever, the meeting ended and i promised myself i would not do my duty of talking with God but instead i would relate with Him as a loving Father. It's not my fault, sometimes i just get it twisted and think that God acts like earthly Fathers. Earthly fathers tend to love selfishly as it aligns with their own plans but God gives total and complete love.

If i don't trust God anymore, it is not because i have forgotten about His wondrous works or His glorious presence but because I am keeping my eyes on the world and its principles instead of on God.
Been asking Him lately why i can't be like everyone else and He did not answer. I am not surprised because that is a stupid question. I am not walking with everyone else. I am walking with God, I walk with Him daily, Lord help me remember daily and stop doing this on and off thingy.

So Lord, la da da, i trust you.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Something new...

I am finally going to commit myself to writing a novel. Guess i could call it 'Something New'.

Tanya Williams will be the heroin amidst other people.

Chapter 1

Motanya Williams sighed as she dropped from the bus to enter her office. She stood at 5 ft 3 inches tall. She was lithe and elegant. She could be wearing a sack of Garri and she would still be elegant. She was a military brat and so grew up kind of tough and still kind of sheltered. She was tech savvy and intelligent enough to win the confidence of her boss, tis why she was top notch at the advertising agency she worked at.

She was dressed in a greyish skirt-suit with a pretty baby-pink shirt and short crop of hair, she was the epitome of lady-like week days anyways. Her 'bestie' worked in the same department as she did. in another company. She dialed Amanda Living stone's phone and began her morning.

"Babes, how are you doing?

She yelled into her phone in the way she was used to. Her friend was the opposite of her, she was amazon princess. 5 11' or so and beautiful.

"You no well you know. Where is my birthday present?

She giggled behind her voice. Her friend had an infectious laughter and a great personality but these days was not smiling quite as often as she used to.

"You'll get it" Tanya murmured not sure the gift she would even buy.

"You think this is funny right"

She could hear a tinge of anger in her bff best-friend-forever. Right about now, she had no feelings and so she felt like she was best betrayer forever.
She could easily have bought her a gift but she considered her family first when it came to money and by the way her bff was not quite so generous with money. Especially if she wanted to please herself first.
Instead she said, 

"Give me time, i'll get you what you will like".

She dropped the phone and called her beau. He was a sweet banker on the surface anyway and eager to please. She was one of those girls that had this aura of a sweet loving girl who was pliable. And funny thing is that she was pliable. She just did not like it being made obvious that she was. Whatever!
'Drats' she thought to herself as she walked into the building. She told herself that artists are allowed to be temperamental. She did not have to wave a hello if she did not want to. If you want good work, don't annoy the artist. lol she laughed and walked to her desk.

Three years she had worked in this organization and all she had was a lousy desk. She wanted a corner office on the ninth floor with the clouds waving and the sun smiling up everyday. She wanted fulfillment as well as financial benefits. She wanted to whole nine yards. A handsome rich dude with a Ferrari and a house in Lekki phase I, walk on the beach and go cart rides on the weekends, a family and twin boys at first.
What she did have was a boy friend who wanted to do movies on the weekend and a best friend who could be beefing on/off. She did not know why she put up with bulls**t. She guessed love had something to do with it. She sighed and slide her legs under her desk, said her morning prayers, slipped on her earphones and went to wonderland on her laptop. Time to get to creating something new for that big account. Today couldn't be any different from other days.

Yes she did decent work, even excellent when she stretched herself but she wanted 'spice', she wanted pizazz, something to make her jump, to get her blood pumping in the morning because she knew something different was going to happen today.

"Sweetheart" she mummured to herself, "You better get to doing something important cause you got to pay the bills".

She smiled to herself. Imagine the motivation for work.


She barely finished her morning rounds of complaint when a tall dude 6 2' tall walk in, in no less than denim, buff-brown shoes and a black blazer, he was casual all the way but you could smell the money from a distant. Maybe this was prince charming come to save her from boredom...

"Hi Dean"

"So what you think? Is the campaign going to fly?"

"Hi sweet thing"

He smiled. The smile should draw her heart strings but it did absolutely nothing to her temperature. She was immune to his charms because he had the misfortune to have known her from when they were teenagers.
There was her mind running ahead of her; it was only her long time buddy Dean Saunders who had walked next to her desk for some months now. She had known him from the age of 16, had something of a crush on him and was over it. Many a girl may find him irresistible, to her he was the boy next door from high school. 

"Just exercising my brains, imagining stuff" she sighed "Just fooling around, let's seat up for the days work".

"Dean, i think i need a vacation"

"re-invent myself, i am kind of bored, i need new enthusiasm"

"Uh huh, how much time do you need?"

"Just three weeks"

*Garri: The staple food in the south-south part of Nigeria.

Tell me what you think!