Sunday, June 27, 2010

I know who i am -yeah!

Many things happened yesterday, naturally speaking i should have been discouraged. I guess that was the plan but instead i took the bulls by the horn wondered what Jesus would do and did it and had a great time while i was at it. I saved a soul, tis left to show him how Jesus is and pray Jesus breathes on him and he receives the Holy Ghost so he can live victorious.

I am in a hostile environment, i know. i have gotten different advice, leave, show them, be you, grow (This was the best and it was from the Holy Ghost, most other people think with their emotions, me too sometimes but i am learning otherwise to focus instead on what is needful; hearing Jesus' words and doing them)

I have changed so much and it gladdens my heart, i was scared i would be bitter or scarred or cynical and useless to Jesus and myself in the end and many times i was pretty close to being that way but the Holy Ghost would not let me go (Holy Ghost i love you and i appreciate your presence)

I read this in a friends blog and i want to define me again (Aside: God is faithful and i am glad i know Him, been through a lot but he has been with me all along)

The particular thot is in red
My friends thot is in blue
My thot is in yellow

All represent the Christ way of doing things, God shows up when you do things his way, i am convinced of this:

I choose joy . . .

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

i choose to joy when others try to keep me in a place of sorrow, i choose to joy when God brightens my day with his presence like the bright sun. My fav scripture used to be "and darkness comprehended  it (light) not" meen satan and his cohorts will constantly be confounded by me cos i am protected on every side, me and my family and loved ones. My angels are constantly on assignment and doing what they have been sent of God when i speak in tongues and even when i don't.

I choose peace . . .

He has given me peace and he keeps me in peace so long as i focus on Him, Lord my heart is full to overflowing, you love me with an everlasting love and i can never work for it and i don't want to try, just want to bask in your love. (I needed peace a lot today but God equipped me sunday cos he saw monday *I am pleased, i got a fulfilment so i am encouraged and confident; sometimes i am like Abraham and i need proofs, Lord help me trust you more*)

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

Tis what He wants. I can forgive, have forgiven several times, no one can keep me in a prison of my own making. Nothing is worth the pain that comes from harbouring unforgiveness towards anyone. I choose to  a light heart always. The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.

I choose patience . . .

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

Over the years i have learnt godly patience, i have learnt that if God holds you back, he has got a good reason and unlike man, i can trust Him, he has no hidden agenda, he simply loves and wants to guide me. When God sasys 'Go forward' i know to keep moving even if i can't see my front and to keep trusting cos he's not intimidated and he has got it under control, everything and he's not limited, neither am i

I choose kindness . . .

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I will be kind to the people around me, i refuse fear cynicism and manipulative tendencies. i choose to live and love and be victorious, there is nothing greater than love and life is full of lessons if we will look closely. i will be kind to those that deserve it and thiose that don't.

I choose goodness . . .

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

It hurts but its worth it travelling the road less travelled. It hurts again but if i had to do it again, i would do the same thing again, choose God each time and his ways

I choose faithfulness . . .

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose faithfulness each time no matter what comes my way cos i answer to One greater than I who has my interest at heart, he does not want to control me, he just wants the best for me from the depths of Him, He is goodness personified and faithful always. I choose to be exactly like Him because this is who i am 

I choose gentleness . . .

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I learnt gentleness at a time when i had so much anger tearing at my insides there was violence inside but instead i chose to express gentleness. So every time i feel violence, i express Christ in me. Many think gentleness is inbred for me but i believe every one is capable of violence given the right catalyst. Yes the Holy Ghost makes it possible for us to do and be the impossible, we just need to change our thinking and be like Christ.
No moving backward for me to the old way of thinking, its forward ever

I choose you Christ Jesus again today and if i had to choose again between you and going bad, i would still choose you again. Its a matter of CHOICE afterall

Friday, June 25, 2010

We are moving soon...

I wrote lots of stuff but it didn't go
so maybe its not yet time to say

i must keep quiet about it then
The HG is still speaking

Had a great time saturday night
i don't know if it was because
i did evangelism the afternoon
of saturday and i saved a soul

or because my sister woke me
and i knew i needed to pray
so i could strengthen my fellowship
with my God

I am glad
saw a couple of things that strengthened my resolve
not interpreting anything

Just glad that Jesus loves me...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

where i am TODAY...

I feel at peace. If anyone asked me if I ever wanted to work in faith based organizations after I have been through the wringer these last three years I would say a big no and run far away and never volunteer or even offer to use my gifts for the work of God (cos that is what it really is!)
Everything they say about faith based organizations is true, you will feel used and unappreciated many times, you will feel run over, you will think that ‘koro’ can get folks ahead faster than doing the right thing and you will feel honesty is not the best policy and after a while you will wonder if you are working for God or just to fill your belly. Your beliefs, your mindset, who you are and what you stand for will be challenged daily and if you fall it is only because your strength was small. Many days, you will even want to just ‘fall’ and get it over with and go live the world way.

What they won’t tell you by the way, is that, amidst all the jockeying, lobbying, politicking and small (stupid in my opinion) talks, there is a God actively working in the people who are sensitive enough to hear Him and do His bidding. What no one will tell you is that God is there; but to hear Him, you have to consciously shut out the world and really believe Him like you say you do. What some would not tell you is that even though you feel like every thing is out of control or going the wrong way, He has got His hands on the rudder, gently steering you in the path He has chosen for you, they won’t tell you cos sometimes they don’t know, and sometimes they half-believe God is not involved even I sometimes forget that God is in charge of steering my life in the direction He wants it to go for a better purpose than I have planned for me.

Lately, I was just going on and on about how I wanted the mind of God established on earth concerning me and my family and then I asked myself if I did not already have the blueprints drawn and was waiting on God’s approval instead of asking Him where He wanted me to go. I slapped my head ‘ohmyGod here I go again’. I started being thankful because I again recognized the hand of God. In March 2009, I sowed se, I sowed only because I wanted money beyond my imagination so I could be financially free and not beholden to anyone. I wanted to be ‘free’. Let me say that I knew what I wanted but not what I needed so when I got to the gathering of believers and God singled me out as usual with a word, I was embarrassed and then nonplussed, I was like ‘what did I ask you for? O Lord you have started again?’ I wanted finances and God gave me healing, the healing was worth more than any amount of money he could have given me, funny thing is i was not consciously or unconsciously expecting it, i was only religiously expecting it cos i had waited a while...

The scriptures say that …if we ask according to his will, he heareth us and that if he heareth us, we know he has answered… The scriptures say, ‘that sometimes we ask ‘amiss’ that “…he makes things beautiful in His time…” that …His thoughts are always good
All of this is true but I had picked the one I wanted to believe because all the rest were constantly being rationalized for me that he may not (they could be ambiguous statements, they could mean anything) , He may do this but not want to do this so I looked for an unambiguous scripture that could only mean one thing Jer 29:11 says “…the thoughts He has towards me are thoughts of God and not of evil…” I personalized it and fasheed the rest, I did not care what the other areas had to do with it, all I wanted to know was that He was good all the time and today I believe the word of God (all of it) because he proved himself to me in one of his word that I could speak… Did I need Him to prove Himself? I could say no but when it carried to application I did not believe. why? (you can say I paid lip-service subconsciously; you know there are words you say religiously but it does not carry to actions, this was how i was). I wanna believe Him all the time because I know He is real and true but sometimes I just lose focus and get hung up on the things that don’t even add up when you consider what is important!

I am studying the power of speaking consciously and unconsciously because subconsciously I am learning, my mind focuses on words and the effect and power of those words over time, I am teaching me to be careful how I speak and what I say and it is not easy, I have been doing it for a while but I need to prune my thoughts and my words from time to time that I may be pleasing to Him who has bought me with a great price. I am a work in progress but still a new creation nonetheless, I am a king/priest/ exactly like Christ representing but still in training, I choose to continue to be teachable by His grace and open to deeper truths by His spirit. The only way to grow is to read the word of God, study and fellowship with the Spirit of God so i am consciously studying the word, fellowshipping is another thing, i get too subconscious!
My mind has been on Zechariah for a coupla day’s, not seeing anything but I know there is something there for me, not pushing it though, can’t take the pressure or can i?

I remember ‘Nigerian Drama Queen and 36 and Mz Dee today, they were my first friends that I really gbaduned on blogger and they thought me to always explain the Nigerians slang I used, it just got away from me with time decided to give some respect to the folks that aren’t Nigerian who may visit my blog, hi guys!
I wrote face book just now (before writing blogger I mean), don’t mind me, I finally admit it, I am addicted to face book and its not a bad addiction (take note x-school nerd)’

Meaning of words:
Koro - crooked means

Jockeying, lobbying, politicking- living the way of the world as opposed to the word of God

Se/abi – right

OhmyGod here I go again – a phrase I like

Fasheed – Forgot about the rest

Gbadun- like

Gbaduned - my word for ‘liked

These words mean I am Nigerian and when I am gisting; all these different languages come in from time to time and make themselves at home.

Final word: When i joined the faith based organization, i was not sure what God had in store for me, all i knew was that as much as actions belied the fact, i was convinced that God was there and it was not because of anything i could see on the outside.
God has been faithful and has not disappointed me! He's faithful and if He tells you something, you can bank on it

Please send me Questions for my 100th post, i only have three or four question yet and i am hoping for at least 20, at most 50...pretty please

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tisha rules or Tisha's rules...

Tell me i didn't write this
but i did now yesterday, i knew i must update so i started to write about and this happened:

(Let me just say these are my idiosycrasies and i want to be able to say i am unafraid of being myself totally, nothing hidden but truth is i am still a work in progress (sigh!) wish i was perfect now)

‘Roc’ said I had a gift and I believed hi but I find myself lightening many things because I know I have an audience so it’s difficult to let all of me show and I hate the public eye have I ever told you that? Don’t get me wrong I know how to comport myself in public. I have been going for state dinners since I was 7. I should know but I still hate the public eye, it bring out the socialite in me lol, Our parents trained us to be socialites (my sibs and I), I can stand toe-to-toe with the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and not be intimidated. I hear a laugh! Who is Jonathan Goodluck? If you were talking about Barack Obama, I would be impressed. 

This is my answer, I don’t see any difference between Barack or Jonathan, they are both presidents, life is about giving respect to whom it is due, I guess I can handle that!

I was going to call this three thoughts on blogger today, still haven’t made up my mind but I am sure I am uploading this…

Love is a free gift, yes It’s a free gift; , I have never asked my friends to love me (the ones who do) It happens naturally, they love me without conditions and I love them the same way, I don’t know of any other way to love and I don’t want to love like ‘them’ tis more like living in hell on earth, nothing real, everything feigned. If it’s difficult to accept, too bad (I am not ‘you’ I could never be you), I don’t have to cater to anyone’s emotions. I have known true love all my life from God, family, friends and even total strangers and from all the people I have been blessed to be associated with; I have learnt to give out love freely, a free gift expecting nothing. I don’t want to learn another way to love (don’t mind learning how to love better by the word of God only). I have never paid for love in my life and I don’t plan to ever do so. No one can pay for my love, no one can earn it. I don’t give love as a reward, a strategy or anything like that, I give it freely. I am a lovely young woman favored with ‘great love’ from God and I try to love the people in my sphere of influence the same way, without condition or with nary a reason.

I daresay I am strong enough to survive unrequited love (lol, I sound like a romantic se, this is reality o) and love again (cos His love has been shed abroad in my heart).
I am discerning enough to know that if I want to move up in life (God’s way) I should surround myself with people who encourage and build me, faith wise and otherwise (John’s, Peter’s, Andrews, Nicodemus, Joseph’s of Arimathea etc). I am twenty what (lol, you thought I would say right, yeah, keep guessing), not a kid, not too exposed but sheltered enough to value openness in an individual (a street smart person would never trust, only pretend to and then strike like a serpent, true o, I have seen it happen a time or two) I am glad I am not street smart, being street smart is a choice.
I am daring enough to refuse to become a pretender; I value my relationship with God too much for that. I refuse to be overcome by evil (my favorite scene in ‘Man on Fire’ is when the nun told Denzel Washington (He’s my favorite actor smile!) that he could decide to overcome evil with good and he revealed that he learnt the scripture in Sunday school but life had beaten him so much that he did not believe the word anymore, I swear, lol I cried a tear or two and then I laughed). That movie shaped me, I can choose so I refuse to be bitter and angry and nasty, if I can’t say anything nice about a person I better shut up rather than being silly and developing contaminating my seed with selfish attitudes and evil hearts no this is not me, I have a heart of flesh, the one He gave me when I accepted him into my heart (Haggi 2:14). I saw this morning and I wanted to weep, doing the word of God was not difficult after this. I refuse to see from the side of lack, I view life from the mountaintop from the position of abundance always; I know who I am.
When I love, I truly love and my nine year old self is proud of whom I am today and so am i. I value those things that others despise, the ability to stand for what you believe in, integrity, honor, love. I am one of the few; I have never wanted to be common so I guess its good enough for me

I don’t let everyone into my inner circle, the people I do let in, I allow to be themselves all the time. I am neither controlling nor manipulative, I allow them to be themselves all the time and I expect the same courtesy.
I give the freedom to speak up and speak out and try not to take things personal when they do (I am usually successful when they speak in love and not in vindictiveness, I never do things to make others look back, it is not in my nature)
I give the freedom to express your likes and dislikes (I sometimes fight with my siblings verbally now we are older lol, after very strong expressions but we are always the better for it)
I allow them criticize and correct me and I listen with rapt attention to their advice because I know they really care and are not just out to cut the neck that was stuck out because someone took a stand.
I give advice but I also leave the final decision to them to make because I respect their individuality
I am a friend but not their controller and since I listen a lot; having influence over their lives is only a matter of time.

Practicing ‘giving freely’ is something I cultivated. A lot of folks don’t know the meaning of those two words but the ones that do will always win my respect. This is one of the things that set me apart and it is something I look out for in friends; I am proud to say that I have good friends that I can even count them on more than one hand.
(Christ is my role-model, he gave freely after all he had done, he did not force anyone to receive salvation, you can choose to accept or reject salvation; choice is always involved)

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER (You will laugh, read this!) Once I was in college and my dad threw bundles of money at me and asked me to go to school, he was angry at me. I was 17 at the time and in college and guess what I did?
I considered it an insult and I threw the money right back at him and went to my room to ‘sulk’ lol. My stubbornness did not start today, it’s inborn. I detest ‘disrespect’ in whatever form, I can’t stand it. I can ignore it but I refuse to tolerate it. If I refused to take it from my dad do you imagine I would take it from anyone else? It’s difficult to believe but I have a personality so strong, it belies my ‘soft look’ on the outside. I can be very hard and unyielding on the inside.
Any yieldedness I display, I learnt from following the lead of the Holy Spirit, if you had met me years ago you would believe you got hit by a tornado. Funny enough, with the Holy Ghost, I am stronger than I ever was relying on my intelligence, logic and my physical senses so why should would I choose to trust my physical senses now? I made up my mind before ever I started ‘this’ but now I am out in the ocean again! I can’t make up my mind until I have heard ‘Him’ speak again. Maybe I should just keep doing what I have been doing rather than depending on me to chart my course. Where I want to go and where ‘He’ wants to take me, which do you think is better.

I know what to do, I got to be dead to the world, no one can hurt me because a dead man has no feelings and no personal agenda, he just knows that since it’s Christ who lives, he’s working through me on this earth (cos as a human I have a legal right to function on this earth and He can reach people through me) what are His marching orders?

I had no idea I was heading here when I started writing, I wanted to be a real human but now I am a real supernatural spirit operating with the body he gave me…

Please send me questions for my hundredth post, it is fast approaching…

(I am keeping a record and I promise to be totally honest but if I can’t answer the question on blogger, I will mail it to your email …)