Friday, March 26, 2010

i give me my approval

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
-Mark Twain

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
-Mark Twain

Something happened yesterday that shifted my equilibrium, it put everything out of focus for me. It was like i went down memory lane again and it was judgmental attitudes at work again, i thought i had gotten over them but it reared its ugly head again and i cried inside.

I came to terms with it in the early hours of today and i found a solution that would work. I prayed in tongues in the early hours of the morning. I have questions i need answers to and i know i will find em' soon.

I decided to just be like Jesus instead of trying to be like the rest of the world. (Since the 19th, i confirmed something and i need answers from God). My faith is the most important thing to me and honestly i think i need to grow to another level again.

Having fresh challenges i don't understand but the snatches of conversation i had been hearing are been pieced together and now make sense.

Why is it that folks remember the word of God so clearly after they believe they have gotten their way. Another round of manipulation going on again and i am not buying it. I doubt i can believe any word they ever say or have ever said. They probably lie as if they make a living from lying.

Too bad i can't concentrate on them and their lying mouth and their talents at spreading rumors. What is it the word says about creating divisions and covetousness, i just want to maintain my cool and walk in love continuously.

I wonder why i am having challenges regular people don't have...

need to untangle what it means
hate thinking and getting nowhere
but the wheels in my brain don't
stop moving

One thousand friends are not enough, one bad friend is too much
– Late Arch Bishop Benson Idahosa. (Father of Nigeria Pentecostal Movement

Friday, March 19, 2010

I don't care, i'll blog it.

not sure what to do now... (lol)

It wasn't his gait, carriage or speech
It wasn't that he was suave and debonair
It was something more

It was not that he had deep passions
deep compassion too, what a mix (rare se)
It was something more

It was not his willingness to help
or being self sacrificial and real
It was something more

It was sincerity in his eyes, the light
of faith, hope and love; the real smile, simple trust
the glimmer of mischievousness, honest concern

Those were the things i loved about him
I thought and thought and thought
What was it i loved about him
What made him stand out from the other guys?

True love
(He's said i am not his true love, i wonder what i was. "One of them girls" It hurts but i think i can live with that. i guess this is the world i live in and i know it can't break me, i won't let it)

True love lasts,
it prevails,
it holds on,
it doesn't die,
its not a quitter

Its the greatest force in the universe
with the power to cause changes

This is what i feel right now (I don't know about tommorrow)

I wanted to say something smart o strong (be wise in the way of the world) or something witty or fly but i'll say something me,
i don't want to be anyone else

but me.

God still loves me no matter what so i'll stand come what may.

can't understand this... (weird but i am drawn, i can't explain)
(I can't explain but the something more is suddenly so scary  and unknown, not fully understood and yet i am unafraid, why? Lord be my shield)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

i was bored until i found this

I have always been a fan of Alfred Tennyson, Robert Browning, Williams Shakespeare (My fav), guess whose blog i found this:

The blog is a terrific read, there's another story about unrequited love, lost love and the like, if this guy is not publishing novels, his talents is laying waste.

Pay Rent Or Be Gone.

i never solicited a new boarder,

the room was never furnished
adequately for a new tenant,

yet, you insist on laying siege,

on being an unwelcome quest and squatter.

you have claimed ownership

to a place that is dark, desolate (yet still my home).

you have done as Columbus,

and as he, your claims of new discoveries

have only threatened the peace of mind of the natives…

in this case,
i am the only native,
yet i am still an island.

you are currently loitering
in the house called my heart,

all while trying to enter
the small room called my soul.

you smile,
yet i find no peace...

you call me a fool for not embarrassing
and welcoming your desires for hospitality.

you are a burglar, an infiltrator,
an interrupter, a nuisance and trespasser,

you are at the threshold of my heart

prepared to raid with no mercy,
no consideration
 for the soul inhabitant
 peace of mind.

if you insist on staying,

at least have the decency
to at least pay rent with
no complaints
 or be gone.

My literature teacher in ss1 probably never imagined I'd be using her skills to interpret love poems online, the lady in question has occupied his heart and she does not even pay rent lol.

Lovely poem, don't you think?
i feel soppy today and i won't hold back, i'll enjoy my writing to the fullest.