Perfect loves does not leave any room for fear.
"Perfect love casts out all fear..."
When i was first attacked, i was afraid to go out for months even for weeks, i had to travel to Delsu to go meet my sis and see if she could make things better. Imagine a good girl suddenly turned bad!
i could not cope with school and i was glad when we had a strike that kept us home for quite a while. After the long months, we eventually had to resume school. Home was like hell fire so even though i could not feel safe in school, it was a welcome relief from always having to stay behind closed doors.
I have always thought in my heart that when i went to heaven, i would ask why i was given a heartless dad and mom but what can i say? i guess God has his reasons.
some days i hurt,
some days i am perfectly peaceful. sometimes,
i look in the mirror and i wonder what people see when they look into my eyes.
Life is unfair but in all the unfairness of life, i believe God is good!
My greatest prayer is to meet someone who can give me a duplex so i and my bro. and sis can move out of my parents house and go live on our own, i also sometimes wonder how hopeless my life would be without God.
My diary, the only place where i can be totally truthful and not feel the need to defend myself against this big bad world. i wonder if i will ever find love and if it exists outside of God at all...