okay it makes me sound like...

okay it makes me sound like a kid but what can i say? seems like i am sending mixed messages, well its not my fault. he actually ate my candy and then licked his fore finger, was that supposed to turn me on or what? when we are supposed to be just friends or was he checking to see if i would respond to him sexually, or he was just trying to get into my mind? Whatever, i think i enjoy the chase more than being caught, cos i am not looking forward to getting caught. i am upset that i am not getting the consistent attention i am used to and yet i am a little relieved. something inside me wants to ask what is wrong with me being friends with the guy? why is it that other girls get to be friends with the guy and i get to be the on that he has a thing for. i think i was more comfortable when i thought he was just being friendly. not just him. we all meet a guy and i am the one that the guy is interested in or hostile to. they just don't want to be my friends. they either want to date me or hate my guts. maybe its me. maybe i give off unconscious date-me signals and other girls give off be-my-friend signals i would so love to learn how to give off give-my-friend signals or else. now everything is awkward, exactly what i was avoiding. what can i do? i have made up my mind within this past few days, since he does not want to be friends, enemies it is. if he asks me out, i'll say no. why? cos i don't want to date him that's why! i am missing out on friendship with him all cos he's so selfish and wants to ask me out before he knows me. i'll still say no anyways cos i can't afford to date anyone right now. Emotionally, i can't handle it. all the stress of being in a r/ship. its a full-time job. i should know cos i have been in one. why is everyone different from me, they seem to have the best of the guy-world. too bad. i am me and i have to come to terms with it. check this. it just came to me, i am scared of being a nympho, that if a guy i really like touches me, i won't be able to resist and i am christian and i would much rather pls a God who lifted me from the depths of despair than pls myself. la la that's it.