Monday, December 22, 2008

i offloaded my feelings so i could be light... and got insulted by teebay my blogville psychologist who wants me made over overnight, these things take time i tell myself. (but the other party usually does not see things this way). whatever! i was told i needed a coquette, and i quote 'to deal u sm blows, make u do stuff u neva done b4, make u open up n stuff' definition: a woman who flirts lightheartedly with men to win their admiration and affection; flirt. (i totally don't get this. a coquette is usually female, i need a female to deal me some blows and make do stuff like i have never done before, like make me open up and stuff) answer: i'd rather open up to a close friend of mine male or female, i tried once but then all my friends were exactly like me: stuck up and snobbish. i was hurt that she (fairlady) could not handle it and so i kept it to myself. i'd probably open up to the new friends i made a year later, but cos of the skeletons i had in my wardrobe, i was almost always on the surface. i made friends with really wonderful people then who helped me through ma issues without asking questions; they are still in my life today even if i don't get to see them often. i can call them up and its like we had never seperated. i love them so much and regret that i can't mention their names. My thanksgiving for the year they are xtians but not the up-in-your-face judgemnetal kind of christians we have today who nail you to cross and expect you to stay there. they just want you to consistently hold a scarlet letter to your head and be condemned. which is why i am glad i never gave up my unbeliever friend, i never could have made it wthout them. i thank God every day i met them or i might have committed suicide (yes! that disgusting word) they neverasked me any questions cos it was better that way for us all, i couldn't talk then anyway. ...and invisible my blogville hero came and commented on my post. i so dig invisible cos he's not afraid to criticize me and all. so invisible, will appreciate it if you comment on every article since you stopped commenting cos these past months have been a little crazy and i don't know if i have been making the right decisions. (i really appreciate your honesty, pls feel free to psychoanalyze me; i always do it to others in my head anyway, lol. so... i was thinking of leaving blogville and i have barely been here 3 months, wait let me check the exact time. okay check and i have been on blogville 7months and i have really enjoyed it. yes its been a lot of offloading of feelings that have held me back for a good many years. i am thankful for blogville, its been like my family that listens and loves me just the way i am. i love you guys on blogville and i have enjoyed getting to know you and yours and your life even though i can't see any of your faces and i love it just the way it is! i am always kidding myself that many pple on blogville sound like my friends on planet earth living in naija: i have few of them, the ones i have i trust. One of them is tying the knot soon. Surprised she waited this long, she's funny and bubbly and full of fun, will miss her but i am glad for her too cos i know this is what she wants. Ok, I realise that all of this so does not make sense so if you get it, you do; and if you don't get it, you don't i am blogging straight from my head and i want the feelings and stuff to come out exactly the way i am feeling it so, whatever! i am sorry (my dangerous alter-ego: shut up, you pple pleaser, its ur blog and you can do whatever you want with it) lol. So i am listening to James Morrison’s 'one last chance' and it’s like still loading so... i'll wait. I just finished listening to the other one em' "you give me something" 1st song and to be my honest romantic self, it's amazing! it speaks of letting go and finding out if naija-denzel has something to offer, perfectly logical conclusion. on the other hand, to be my cynical self (my cynical self is always around to save me from being too idealistic). many fools are always around to betray you if you trust them an inch and they'll justify their actions. ok my cynical self believes this is a nostalgic song to sing when you are blue. when you are sad and emotional. Conclusion: though it is a good thought, i have concluded that we are star-crossed lovers, never meant to be. i magine the things i believe. (i always considered myself an optimistic person, but right about now i am a downright pessimist. i will be happy with naija denzel when he finally hooks up with whichever princess he speaks, so i guess i am still optimistic, and i know i will find my prince) 2nd song having problems downloading it! downloaded after an hour and on a laptop again well the song is a nice one about a guy needing healing for his head will download both of them after i get my laptop this week then listen until i understand. nice music even though i don't know if it falls under inspirational or xtian music Finally, i am setting a wedding date for july 2010 and as from today i begin to work towards it. all my friends have been bugging me asking what i had been waiting for? could have married to 't' in 2005 but i just happened to not love him enough, never opened up to him, it was a crazy r/ship from the word go but i agreed to go ahead with it and ended up breaking up with t and affecting my perfect friendship with t (chic who introduced us). ibo boy! still like ibo boys bcos of t, had a perfect r/ship. problem: did not want to be a trophy wife, did not enjoy being a trophy g.friend, had all that money could buy but i did not see a future in it. so my wedding date is july 2010. H.spirit, help me keep a dates! i thought i could let this go but i need to ask, teebay (my self-proclaimed psychanalyst) what does this mean? like now i hold myself back from writin stuff dat'll make ur head pop :)! lol i don't understand, Defensive answer: (imagine you are talking to a pissed black american sister and her head is flying in all directions) next time when you feel like exrecising self control and not poping my head with stuff you write, be sure to send it to my inbox. address:, will read it sometime and send you a reply. this is my private space where i let go and blog my thots. it's meant to relax me and its serving its purpose. (here i get rid of all the hate and anger and the stuff that's bugging me and no on is getting me off blogger, at most i'll just delete this blog and start another cos i need it.) more pple have annoyed me today but i just won't blog about it they are just not worth it. their life's too boring so they are always focusing on someoneelse's life. meaning mine, how i hate to be in the spotlight, what can i do? i guess i'll just shine the way i know best.


  1. Tisha i love the way honesty flows wen u write.. watever issues u may be havin will eventually clear up. I know its hard wen u open up to sum1 and they shut u right out.. i've done it to ppl and i've had it done back to me.

    Take care of urseld and a merry christmas to u!

  2. wattttt? dont get me wrong, coquettes are guys not girls (at least by robert greenes definition)

    am not gonna tel u who a coquette is, just gonna tell to to get the book art of seduction


  3. tisha, sorry i've been incognito. i've been reading your blogs, just havent had enough time to comment. i'm currently writing this from my phone while on lunch with my co-workers (imagine).
    i promise to comment on every article and this one over the next few days though.
    by the way, i appreciate your comment about me, thanks. brb.

  4. Well, guess what? I promised over a few days and I did it in a few hours. I literally came from work and got to work on your posts, lol.

    Friends are good, I'll tell you that. I have friends and I have friends. I have lots of friends, we gist, talk hang out but do I open up to all of them? nope. Prior to a couple of months ago, I had one friend that I 'talk' to. Not in too much details though, as far as I'd want to.

    Besides family, I pretty much keep to myself. Not that I'm self sufficient or anything, I just like my privacy. But that may not work for you though. Sometimes we have so much in us we just need to let out. This is when real friends come in handy.

    As for judgmental xtians, I'm totally with you. I'm not involved in church activities not because I don't want to but because I'm not going to have someone dictate or criticize how I choose to serve God. So I serve in my own way and me and Him are good. This is the thing though, you are you and you control you. I don't care who the person is but never let anyone judge you or condemn you in the name of christianity. I will tell any pastor any day to get out of my face if that ever happens. My business with God is MY business with God and how I choose to table it is between me and God. I hope I'm making sense. Of course, if you know people who are that way, you need to know to stay clear of them too.

    You want to leave blogsville? You don't have to but hey, it's your decision.
    I might have to go find those songs too.

    As for annoying people, the same way you need to reduce your defense system is the same way you need to increase your tolerance level. The world has a lot of stupid people in it, I'm sure you know that and having them get to you will only take away from you.
    Just make sure when they annoy you, you get a grip on yourself and you watch how you react.

    Thanks for putting up your email by the way. I was about to ask you for it.

  5. Your writing is really uninhibited. Please do not leave blogsville. I just discovered your blog, biko! And do I love your honesty!

  6. I hardly open up to people. There is always the fear that they would use it against you. Or that they won't do a thing about it. So, why bother?

    Well done!

  7. @mz dee
    thanks and i am happy for you that you got the visa. hows canada? any new friends, upload your gist so well know how life is treating you or how you are treating life

    @teebaygot your mail, ok you are talking about a male coquette,
    answer: that kind of guy could not get close to moi, i am too cynical and i have a phd in taking out guys with excessive egos. they just like my pretty face n not my person so i have experience in knocking out their egos

    hi, i appreciate your compliments. as per leaving blogville its on hold for a while only because i love blogville so much.

    you understand me so much, you could be my soul sister. use my articles as long as it is for a good cause.


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