i can write uninhibited

Happy New Year to all bloggers, i love you guys and Blogville that brought us together... Okay. Stop! I keep tearing myself down and i need to stop. i was thinking just this afternoon, 2 days to 2009 and i was like i had cooperated with other folks in helping to blow my self-esteem to shreds. i remember when i started building me up and my college pastor said i deserved the best and at the time i was no-good, at least to myself. (humph!) That day i promised to be my no.1 cheerleader and now i found myself breaking that rule and i needed to stop! what showed me this? let me just say as the year was coming to a close and another year starting, i saw no reason why i could not ask for God's help concerning the coming year. I need new flows of income and i need insight into the new year. Why walk like an ordinary man when i can use`the supernatural powers i possess. Today i called myself 'wonder woman' while fetching water with my siblings . (lol- laugh out loud) Its a day to xmas and right now, i can feel the H.ghost flowing through me and i wonder what he wants me to do. i think (i actually stopped and prayed in tongues and in my understanding). ok this year i choose to walk supernatural in spite of the issues i may see now, i say that this is my year of walking in the supernatural constantly. I choose to build myself up with my words and to choose which thoughts to think (only thoughts that build me up). I choose to take responsibility for my actions and to generally be a better person. i am more aware of the presence of God now more than ever (hope it stays this way all through the year). For this first three months, i may not see it all clearly but i speak and say that i am supernaturally favored and supernaturally directed this year. After all i am indeed crossing into 2009 in aproximately 7hrs and for the first time since december started, i am excited about something great. So time for some truths to myself: i am beautiful, not just beautiful but fearfully and wonderfully made by God, blessed, not just for myself but to be a blessing to myself and to my world. I am excellent in all things, walking in-love, speaking and my talk is seasoned with grace. I am kind and sensitive, as wise as a serpent (Hmmm!) and as gentle as a dove. I am peaceable, just, growing in the wisdom of God This is not just a new year resolution , it is a prophesy. I reckon myself dead indeed unto sin but alive unto God. What am i going to do about naijadenzel. I think things have sorted themselves out and i am just going to be friends. In spite of the fact that i love him, i won't deny that, he is lovable and just too good to be true. In real life, things that too good to be true are just that but in God's Kingdom, things that are too good to be true are just the hand of God. so what am i saying? I am happy for him and i hope he is happy too. (i am sorry, invisible, i'll mail you later!) In the spirit of the new year, let me end this with my favorite verse from school days when i was still building up (i plan to dedicate tuesdays to building up myself in the word and mondays and friday for blogging) 2pet1: 5-9 The Living Bible (Paraphrased) 5; But to obtain these gifts [Peter was speaking of God giving us ALL that we need for life and Godliness (moi)], you need more than faith; you must also work hard to be good, and even that is not enough. For then you must learn to know God better and discover what he wants you to do. okay, i was pretty okay with having faith and striving to be good and project the nature of righteousness, i ahd been given, i mean why would i not want to please a wonderful God like mine! He is just totally amazing! 6; Next, you must learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient and godly, gladly letting God have His way with you putting aside my own desires, a little difficult but i mastered them. Why? cos i loved God that's why! becoming patient and godly, absolutely difficult, it is wonderful when you have mastered patience, letting God have His way with moi was a bit more difficult cos as a youngster, i was pretty strong willed and knew what to do to get my way. I could always be logical and swing people in my direction no matter what! so giving in to God was like handing over control to someone else. How are you sure they will do what is best for you? I trusted God and handed over. Still trust God now and then, i am working on it! 7; This will make possible the next step, which is for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply. Now, here's the difficult part, i enjoy some people and some others i dont enjoy. just think about the faults of other people, disloyalty, lies, bitching, back stabbing, back biting, gossiping, cussing, betrayers extraordinaire, jealous folks, nasty folks; imagine all this ugly stuff and God expects me to 'enjoy other people and grow to love them deeply'. I am like "story" how does God expect me to do this? when i can't keep pretending for long hours. i have the people i love and the folks i tolerate and then the folks that don't exist. yes! that's what i think. Why do i have to do this i am yelling? I know God did all this for me but meen if i don't love other folks, i'd be hurting God. Guess what? i want to say God that's blackmail, then i remember the benefits of keeping God's word and i slid down the greatest idol in my life. It's not money, fame, good looks, guys or a car or a house. It's moi and i have to keep my flesh in control so i say Lord i'll try after all i call you Lord so i choose to obey. 8; The more you go on this way, the more you will grow strong spiritually and become fruitful and useful to our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to grow strong spiritually and be fruitful to my savior Jesus. I want to use the spirit of wisdom (to know what will happen in the future, and i already walk in it some but not sharp enough) and knowledge (to know the stuff that has happened in people's life without them telling moi), discernment of spirits (to know if a person is good or bad; i already know, would love it to be sharper though), gifts of healing (to heal the hurting, both emotional and physical;it's all got to do with the Holy Spirit ) and miracles (walk on water or float on the air or dissappear ), to be like Jesus. NB: all these gifts are in order to edify the church and not so you would entertain yourself. that is to build up the church. i feel guilty that i don't pray as often as i should and i would try to change that. (maybe 15 mins every morning) 9; But anyone who fails to go after these additions to faith is blind indeed, or at least very short sighted, and has forgotten that God delivered him from the old life of sin so that now he can live a strong good life for the Lord. and since i am not blind, i must do all of this... wow this seems like an adventure This is who i am in the presence of God. I am strong and have a good heart and i dont care when others wrong me but in the flesh, i am pretty vengeful. i just want to be more like God. If i were more like Him everyday, wouldn't the world be a better place indeed? To my fellow bloggers, plan your year for 2009, i am planning my first and second quarter right now! Happy New Year.