Wednesday, April 28, 2010

ME, being honest again!

Today, as i arose, it rained torrents and torrents and it just would not stop and finally i was drenched on my way to work. It rained so much everything i had on got drenched. I kept wishing i was in my bed sleeping instead of being drenched as i trudged on to work. After a while i detached myself from everything happening around me and got into my office building looking like something the cat wouldn't drag in.



Oblivious at least partially of everything going on outside me, i was aware that inside me, something had burst free and so as soon as i got into my own space, i worshiped from the depths of me (those depths are just not measurable). At the end of it all, i cried and i knew i had it coming so try as i might i could not stop them tears from flowing.
Since i hate coming apart at the seams (like a rag doll) with the precision of a surgeon, i got a lone handkerchief i began to clean every trace of any tear away. Under the rain, i can be a porcelain doll and under the sun shiny new toy but today i am less concerned about outward beauty. all i cared about was concealing any sign at all that i had feelings or be human enough to let them show.



In my office, i can't be human, if i am human, i fear i would collapse from the pressure of it all. In my young life, i have seen the wickedness, ruthlessness and callousness of man. i have seen selfishness and covetousness at its height.



I look in the mirror and i see a beautiful young lady full of promise but in her eyes i see what scares me, i see coldness and hollowness and emptiness, that is not my reflection and i refuse it.
Many have trudged the road before me and have gotten conditioned to the hardness of life and so they adapt and make subtle changes in their outlook and thinking that changes totally who they are.
They become less kind, more harsh, they get harder and brittle like the rest of the world. They are less sincere and say words they don't mean and laugh with their mouths while their eyes shoot daggers.



This is not me (I know who i am)



I may not laugh often (wanna change this) but when i do laugh, it is without guile or pretense. This is who i am and who i choose to remain. No matter what this world throws at me, it can't make me conform to its customs and traditions, its lifestyle and it can't define me. I don't depend on staying this way by knowing what i want. I trust God to help me retain 'me' because i know who i am.



I hate crying but i am glad i cried because i achieved my purpose. Its shaken me again. I started this morning sining this song, its a beautiful one:



"I'm a new creation
I'm a brand new man
Old things are passed away
I'm born again
More than a conqueror
That's who i am
I am a new creation
I am a brand new man"



No one can take this away from me and this is my piece this morning and it brings me peace, lol



Good morning, the rain has definitely washed away many things...



Below is the link to the collabo i did with myne, read and tell me what you think...

17 comments:

  1. Beautiful song!
    There's a newness that comes with rain-and you just captured it perfectly here.
    You don't have to be like the world-let the world be like you.
    All in all...you know who you are-and that's all that matters.

    Great 'feel good' post!

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  2. As long as you can still find the space in your heart to worship even though you weren't at your best, I believe you're going to be fine.

    The day been going well so far?

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  3. @B'ratti
    Thanks, points taken. How have you been?

    @Enkay
    I miss worship sometimes when whats going on on the outside is just going too fast.
    I am fine, this is me.
    How far? you haven't updated in a while

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  4. Beautiful song.

    I get how yo feel and like blogoratti said, you don't have to be like the world. Everyday you meet different kind of people and you wonder what hell hole they came from. Let thw world see you and you would be amazed at those that appreciate you for who you truly are

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  5. sweetie
    i am happy you let go
    we all need a release sometime
    i am a crying sort
    so i tear up at any opportunity
    but those special therapeutic tears
    are a great feel good medicine

    things might be bad at work
    but just remember that ur only passing thru
    its a ladder to your goal

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  6. i love what the rain does for you...when we sing songs asking that God rain on us,i often think people don't know what that means really....

    you will be fine, you are a strong girl & thats truly all that matters, cos Gods got you

    muah

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  7. "Under the rain, i can be a porcelain doll and under the sun shiny new toy but today i am less concerned about outward beauty. all i cared about was concealing any sign at all that i had feelings or be human enough to let them show."

    Deep. Awww, I like that you said the rain has washed away many things. The way I see it, life is always going to be about re-birth, day after day, morning after morning.

    Nice honest post :)

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  8. Ah yeah, refusing to change the best things about yourself even when those same things make it harder to survive/compete in this life. That's one of my biggest things. Crying is a good thing - esp when you're crying to God. It is well, I do hope that the rest of your week goes perfectly well.

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  9. @fragile looks
    tis' a song. i sang it when i first got saved. still sing it from time to time to remind myself.

    @Red hair
    They may never appreciate me but at least i will sleep at night knowing i am true to myself

    @BBB
    you are so so sweet, thank God for you on blogger. i tear up a lot too, when i am watching good movies or hanging out or thinking about what matters to me...

    @neefemi
    my blog sister, thanks so much. i am only strong because i have Jesus living in me and yes, God has got me.

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  10. @Jaycee
    did i mention that i appreciate you. yes i am deep! I guess its true what the scriptures say 'deep calls out to deep'.
    i am a new man yes! i want to take one more step each day as much as i can.


    @myne
    its a song... la la la
    it talks about receiving a new life in Christ

    @48
    yes, i refuse to compromise on some things. i absolutely will not lose myself. I trust God. I don't know if i was crying to God or just breaking down but i daresay He and i have a good relation. I just tend to resist him sometimes.

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  11. Very..very..nice. I wonder where u get inspiration from...u can write uninhibited!

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  12. @wild boy
    uh, funny name, i get my inspiration from my life, who i am, the God in me.
    Its usually nice when i write without thinking and sorting and conforming to the expected...

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  13. 一棵樹除非在春天開了花,否則難望在秋天結果。 ..................................................

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  14. Inspirational stuff. Sometimes it's okay to cry. It just allows you release so much bottled up feelings that burden the heart. And yes, we shouldn't allow the opinions or expectations of people to stop us from being who we want to be. It's the feeling of that inner peace that really counts and nothing else really. . . And i love that song. Used to sing it in church back in the day.

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  15. @chinese man
    yes i fluorish by the rivers of living water

    @geebee
    Its been a while, i am so hyped up right now...

    ReplyDelete

Say whats on your mind. Still loving cos i don't see myself ever becoming a hater or confirming to the voice of the crowd either.
What can i say? Tell me what you think!