having a readily stressful week...

have you ever fought attraction b4? it takes all the emotional energy you have and then some. i did not like him like that at first and now i am not sure how i feel. i have a nagging feeling that i am going to get hurt on this one cos i usually don't have my emotions involved. i am scared i don't usually admit i am scared, i have used every tactics i know to discourage me something tells me i am not making enough effort to cos maybe i like him liked him as a friend, never planned to take it further i mean where is the future in starting something that you might not finish i have been hurting for a week and hiding it i'll give it to me i have a strong will but on this one i think i need God I do! (please don't ask me to explain cos i can't, i am sorting myself out and i just can't explain anything) i will be back to blog cos i need to offload somewhere so i don't go crazy or have a nervous breakdown or something.

i hereby tag...

For a post let me answer funkola's QUESTION yeah! What would you do if you caught your man/woman cheating (doesn't have to have been while in action, just the knowledge of it is enough)? **i am taking everything into consideration step by step. - if it was just a meaningless shag. i'd let the un-serious dude go, where does he get off doing stuff like that? - if it was a regular occurrence with a particular person. I'd let him go too, he obviously is not on the same wavelength as i - if you both were married. i must have smelt such a crazy trait b4 tying the knot, i might try to work it out. - if you were married without kids. may work it out may not - if you were married with kids. may consider being a single mother, my heart can't take such rubbish. so i hereby tag extraOGD

good day... nearly spoilt by negatives.

so... i got shot by this guy i refuse to allow myself insult but can't imagine the pain of trying to control your mouth when it wants to insult someone who has done it wrong it took all of the self-control i have for me to say, "i can control my tongue" still mouthed mockers at him. anyways looking forward to having a breakthrough in my people relationships and looking forward to the day i say yes i can love you for now, i gats to hold on so i bring a complete package to the table can't do love in halves. Watched 'Madea's family reunion' and the sis of the chic who was getting beaten was a reflection of me how i had always been loved maya angelou's play on words she's one talented young lady love that the black folks were not cussing and beating on each other loved that Boris Kodjoe was the handsome hero what i'd do for a Boris Kodjoe to be my one and only not him someone with his looks and a reflection of God's love as his lifestyle. i believe i'll find someone like that abi anything is possible that is what i want. period don't care if folks think its impossible i am in the mood for believing possibilities

Honest Blogger Award. Got it?

I am not sure how to start but i'd like to begin by thanking God Then appreciating my family for making me who i am and then all the bloggers on blogville who have ever made my day made me laugh and know i am not alone for real funkola for nice bloggers like www.nigerianframaqueen.blogspot.com annoying wellsbaba who relishes dating underage girls. sweet mz.dee fuuny and dramatic 36inches naughty ineffable water weirdXsN and confusednaijachic whom i wanted to help with her blog for helping abused men and women bu i did not come on blogville on time or make up my mind on time. There's uzezi and tairebabs and mizcynic and naapali the chic he was working on died can you imagine? it was almost like strong medicine a nicer version of ER. there's the peeps who write crazy stuff and theres tara captivating bumight and chairlady chris on aloof and far there's so many people i love on blogville i just want to say you guys are the best and to Invisible love all the interesting bold and courageous (have to take a deep breathe everytime i blog on really personal stuff and pray no one finds out) people on blogville. Thank you for the award will give it out to six other peeps my next post miss 36 (she sounds so much like a friend of mine, it hurts that we could not be close after college but i loved the times we spent together is what matters.

A terrible jam!

things at the office are really bad! i was just playing when i started this thing with naija denzel then the devil's spawn's in my office (i say that because they are many) now went and made it serious and you know me with my attitude and now the stupid boy i call naijadenzel is carrying face, can you imagine? it upset me so bad. who does the psycho think he is? i am really angry and you know me lacking any diplomacy, i kept falling into the traps of the stupid devil's spawn chics in ma office. The first two, you'll remember them from my "the two asses" post tried to make me jealous and then the leader of the devil's spawn then started going home with him everyday like i'd be jealous. i just gave her time to get tired sha because she's dating someone else and as fine as naijadenzel thinks he is; he's just not that eligible. they are all trying to put me on the spot. sorry about this paranoid shit but this is exactly how i feel right now. They do not realize that if i feel like i am going to break down, i pull in al my reserves and my walls start going up real high and they just will not be able to reach me no matter how much they want to (the bad thing is that the ones who want to help can't reach me just like the ones who want to hurt me). i have never come across jealous binches like them and i am sure they are spreading rumours about me. anything to get the stupid boy who i don't even want away from me. i have been upset for about 2 months. i forgive them but i will never forgive them for ruining my birthday month then they have the guts to carry more gossip that i don' forgive. they must not know what i think of them, i think they are total psychos who will never be happy with who they are and what they have. Now because this stupid idiot went and believed the psychos, i was tempted to call in one of my fans who are totally in-love with me and date them for a while so i can hurt the naija denzel but i have decided i am bigger than that and i don't have to hurt someone who likes me as a friend (i hope!) just to show the idiot that he's not "all that" but i guess i am bigger than that and i can take whatever they throw at me and still play cool. Ciao! i feel better already. why do they hate my guts? i could cry but i will not give them the pleasure of breaking down so they would be happy. Love you blogville; those of you that are nice peeps anyway i can't be bothered touse any tact on my blog, this is one place i can be me totally and not act at all. Funny thing is i don't trust anyone, wish i had learnt not to trust a long time ago, am i missing something, so many of you would say but i am also missing all the hurt that could come my way if i do trust. may change my mind but i am fine with where i am right now.