Just having fun...

My heart is light cos i spoke to a friend and off-loaded my heart and just told her all the stuff i was thinking about and she just said, "sometimes you have to let go of the need to control everything and just trust God..."


Of course she said a couple of other things (mostly about 'man', lol, my younger sis hates it!) which we laughed and talked about, she tells me all about herself and me, i am the kind of person that likes gist, but before i would tell you anything you will hear when!

I was blog hopping and i saw this note on the FB posts of one of my friends in college and you know how i like to borrow notes from peeps i find interesting to share with my blogville family. Did i mention how much i appreciate you guys and the role you have played in my life, yes i have favorites but you all matter to me, when i come on blogville, its the time i give me to let my hair down and just be! Thanks and I love you (This is really a big deal, Tisha said 'i love you', i make it a point to not say 'i love you' unless i mean it).


A Real Woman Knows...

- how to fall in love.
(I have gone and done it. my friend says if you get hurt falling in love, no problem, its part of life, i should stop taking myself too seriously and just trust God so here goes, i am trusting God, hope i don't forget and start worrying)

- how to quit a job.
(I believe i can do this when and if the time comes with no hard feelings on my part at least lol)

- how to confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
(May the Lord teach me, i have not known anyone who avoids confrontations like me, rather i am skilled in the silent treatment which i hear is not a healthy relationship habit, my friend calls it sulking)

- when to try harder... and when to walk away.
(This is why i pray for serenity so i know what to do everytime, don't always know what to do but i have help)

- how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend.
(I am a spoilt sport at parties. if i don't want to be at the party, i can criticize and criticize and letting go and having fun usually takes a while. i can be very stiff and stuffy sometimes but when i let go, my accompanying friend will usually have a great time, now can i just let go and have fun?)

- that she can't change the lenght of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
(Funny enough, i love my boobs the way they are, my hips, my calves etc i don't mind adding an inch or two in hips sha but not too much, now my parents, love them despite their weaknesses)

- that her childhood may not have been perfect, but its over.
(Thank God it is over, i had fun but also...)

- how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it.
(I don't want to ever live alone, i have claustrophobic episodes from staying in a room alone sef, if i ever had to live alone, i would get a room mate, i hate isolation!)

- whom she can trust, whom she can't and why she shouldn't take it personally.
(I am super careful about whom i trust with myself, didn't use to have those issues but then you know that you must grow up sha! I am glad i have some people i trust now)

- where to go... be it her best friend's kitchen or a charming quiet hotel... when her soul needs soothing.
(That's what i did yesterday, i told my BFF (best female friend) about someone and she said he was loyal apart from his idiosyncrasies he had. i just laughed and told her everything from day 1 till date and what i go went thru/go thru (sorry blogville i can't really explain right now) and i was glad someone understood and she knew when to shut up and when to speak and not to judge).

God really does love me. i appreciate her friendship right this moment, wish i could trust her more, will check then maybe release a little.

- what she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, a year.
(For me right now, all i do is a step-by step process of trusting God and anything is possible)

I love anyhow
God loves me, i love me
I love my family
I love my friends
i love my blogville family

I am just so content in my soul where it matters right now so no more worries and no more people pleasing and no more focusing on the wrong stuff, I am a woman of vision value and virtue.
I say this to myself every morning, a whole page of affirmation of what a woman i am so i don't forget, all gotten from the word of God sha, will share it with you sometime

(You can all start thinking up questions for my 100th post, its coming up and its going to be a big one, i appreciate blogville so darn much )

Being gushy, i miss me being gushy and myself...
I miss me

This can only be love...

Many days have past but i still remember easter and what it represents to me, i wrote a poem yesterday but blogger wouldn't let me post it and these days i am doing free style...

Over the last week, i had been hearing what easter meant to different people and i wanted to document mine so here goes:

This shakes me every time

When i was younger
i always wondered why he had to go to the cross
now my relationship with him is a very special on

when i found out
i cried, real tears not the manipulative one i grew up crying
to get my way

i wondered many times why he wouldn't toss the cross away
and fly up into the sky like superman or any other effizy
way cos for him anything was possible

i mean, i wouldn't bother with mean and nasty people
who just want to go their way and do their thing
but he wouldn't budge

still he carried the cross trudging along
he was wounded, his stripes bristled in pain
i mean those prongs took pieces of flesh and blood

someone recently said that mel gibson didn't get the true picture
however gruesome "the passion of the Christ was
i mean 'why would you die on a cross for me?' i cried inside:

He did it for me so i would know
As he walked to the cross weighed down by the pain, the hurt and the shame
He saw me, he saw my victories and he saw the obstacles that could have
stopped me from 'getting to the other side'

He saw my pains, my shames and my perceived disadvantage
he has told me i can never be disadvantaged and i believe him
but what if he had given up on the way and did not make it to the cross

He saw the weights that could have held me down
he saw darkness creeping up on me and knew that my own 'tisha'
i'll do it for you

He went to the cross having fully counted the cost
after deciding i was worth it
he died on the cross and set me free

from sin and its consequences
he translated me from darkness into light
he gave me power over all the power of the wicked one

He assured me of victory even before i began the journey
and he walks with me daily to ensure i don't sway from his path
for me

He went to the cross for me
He knew the cost and he paid the price
so i could have every thing he died for

he gave me a voice and so
when i saw poverty, i preached the gospel
when i saw sickness, i proclaimed healing
when i saw captivity, i proclaimed liberty
when i saw foolishness, i declared understanding
when i saw doubt, i spoke the word and faith arose...

Thank God he arose after 3 days
We are more than what we see

Shalom

i give me my approval

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
-Mark Twain

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
-Mark Twain

Something happened yesterday that shifted my equilibrium, it put everything out of focus for me. It was like i went down memory lane again and it was judgmental attitudes at work again, i thought i had gotten over them but it reared its ugly head again and i cried inside.

I came to terms with it in the early hours of today and i found a solution that would work. I prayed in tongues in the early hours of the morning. I have questions i need answers to and i know i will find em' soon.

I decided to just be like Jesus instead of trying to be like the rest of the world. (Since the 19th, i confirmed something and i need answers from God). My faith is the most important thing to me and honestly i think i need to grow to another level again.

Having fresh challenges i don't understand but the snatches of conversation i had been hearing are been pieced together and now make sense.

Why is it that folks remember the word of God so clearly after they believe they have gotten their way. Another round of manipulation going on again and i am not buying it. I doubt i can believe any word they ever say or have ever said. They probably lie as if they make a living from lying.

Too bad i can't concentrate on them and their lying mouth and their talents at spreading rumors. What is it the word says about creating divisions and covetousness, i just want to maintain my cool and walk in love continuously.

I wonder why i am having challenges regular people don't have...

need to untangle what it means
hate thinking and getting nowhere
but the wheels in my brain don't
stop moving




One thousand friends are not enough, one bad friend is too much
– Late Arch Bishop Benson Idahosa. (Father of Nigeria Pentecostal Movement

I don't care, i'll blog it.

not sure what to do now... (lol)


It wasn't his gait, carriage or speech
It wasn't that he was suave and debonair
It was something more


It was not that he had deep passions
deep compassion too, what a mix (rare se)
It was something more


It was not his willingness to help
or being self sacrificial and real
It was something more


It was sincerity in his eyes, the light
of faith, hope and love; the real smile, simple trust
the glimmer of mischievousness, honest concern

Those were the things i loved about him
I thought and thought and thought
What was it i loved about him
What made him stand out from the other guys?


True love
(He's said i am not his true love, i wonder what i was. "One of them girls" It hurts but i think i can live with that. i guess this is the world i live in and i know it can't break me, i won't let it)


True love lasts,
it prevails,
it holds on,
it doesn't die,
its not a quitter

Its the greatest force in the universe
with the power to cause changes


This is what i feel right now (I don't know about tommorrow)


I wanted to say something smart o strong (be wise in the way of the world) or something witty or fly but i'll say something me,
i don't want to be anyone else

but me.

God still loves me no matter what so i'll stand come what may.

can't understand this... (weird but i am drawn, i can't explain)
(I can't explain but the something more is suddenly so scary  and unknown, not fully understood and yet i am unafraid, why? Lord be my shield)

i was bored until i found this

I have always been a fan of Alfred Tennyson, Robert Browning, Williams Shakespeare (My fav), guess whose blog i found this:

The blog is a terrific read, there's another story about unrequited love, lost love and the like, if this guy is not publishing novels, his talents is laying waste.

Pay Rent Or Be Gone.

i never solicited a new boarder,

the room was never furnished
adequately for a new tenant,

yet, you insist on laying siege,

on being an unwelcome quest and squatter.

you have claimed ownership

to a place that is dark, desolate (yet still my home).


you have done as Columbus,

and as he, your claims of new discoveries

have only threatened the peace of mind of the natives…

in this case,
i am the only native,
yet i am still an island.

you are currently loitering
in the house called my heart,

all while trying to enter
the small room called my soul.

you smile,
yet i find no peace...


you call me a fool for not embarrassing
and welcoming your desires for hospitality.

you are a burglar, an infiltrator,
an interrupter, a nuisance and trespasser,

you are at the threshold of my heart

prepared to raid with no mercy,
no consideration
 for the soul inhabitant
called
 peace of mind.


if you insist on staying,

at least have the decency
to at least pay rent with
no complaints
 or be gone.

My literature teacher in ss1 probably never imagined I'd be using her skills to interpret love poems online, the lady in question has occupied his heart and she does not even pay rent lol.

Lovely poem, don't you think?
i feel soppy today and i won't hold back, i'll enjoy my writing to the fullest.

If i call you my friend...

...then you are really one and cherished and valuable to me, I'd never call you my friend if you weren't. You are allowed to not be perfect but if you are crooked and cunning, we won't be friends. i wrote a nice post on issues i had been having and what it meant to be a friend; been having issues and after reading neefemi's blog post and leggy's blog post, i decided I'd just about write it again, even though i may still put that one up.

Being a follower of Christ and someone who likes to pride myself in doing the word, i had to resolve what malice was and what 'putting someone between a rock and a hard place was'.
I have been in this position before, the one where every one crucifies you on the testimony (you could also cal it gossip) of another. I have always come out on top and i am sure this time would be no different, it's just the time i have to wait.
This time though, i was less bothered about the folks involved and more bothered about if God was pleased with me.

There's this chic in my office (i have been in my office for about three years)who's never wanted to be my friend or anything and suddenly, she is my newest best friend (...trust me, i know how to resist those things nah, i wasn't a correct lag chic for nothing). I was suspicious (as usual, lol) and i wondered what she wanted.

Anytime she spoke to me, i wondered (chic, what's with the over friendliness, i hope you know we can't be friends; especially not after the condemnation sessions). she does not know how long suffering i can be. i shunned her anyway (without being too nasty sha)n of course fell into her trap, she went about telling folks (her strength) what i did and i know she's silently seething (i could not care less).

anyhow sha, i will wait it out. How do i justify not being friends with her? i have searched the bible thoroughly and it says somewhere that Jesus did not pretend that the pharisees were his friends, he called them 'brood of vipers', he never acted, he never pretended, he called them what they were.

So this is my statement, when you know someone does not like you (nothing wrong with saying hi) don't just think they are your friends (That is o so stupid, i think lol) and i may be naive (not street smart at all, it makes me weep sometimes) but i am not stupid and i will not pretend so if she wants to imagine i am keeping malice with her, she is welcome to imagine whatever she wants but God is not mocked and he rules in the affairs of men.

I want to guard my heart cos that is where i produce life from but i wonder why these pharisees and Sadducees won't leave me alone, believe whatever you want, i don't care any longer, all i care about is making sure my relationship with God is salvaged, i receive revelation knowledge on how to deal with this (big headache).

Would you want to be friends with someone who secretly wishes you dead and who talks bad about you behind your back but smiles in your front and always wants to buy you something or the other? Now be honest!

To be frank, i would not be friends with you if i knew you gossiped or were not loyal or were scum enough to do something underhanded to get your way and then want to be friends after getting your way? How stupid do you think i am? don't answer!

I just can't pretend like that, if that was the friendship between David and Jonathan, the bible would have said. I always want true friendship and i am grateful for the friends God has given me who can be real with me and truly be my friends, if you are not my friend, it all good too, just don't try to cosy up to me...

I think i have finished the rant if that's what it was.

Hooking up...

You gats to do this before you hook up, i got together with zoebeliever, she came up with this idea to pray in the month of feb, was writing something else but i remember that i promised zoe (it means the life of God by the way) that i would post along with her so here goes, for the guys please change the he to she...

We are single and we rock (you need to believe this)

We are single and we pray (This is purely choice)

My dream marriage is a marriage where i can trust my hubby and where he can trust me. where he can say to me "There is nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you" (this is what God said to me). My getting saved was a battle between me and God because i was not sure I could trust him, i wanted to trust myself but finally i needed the help of the Holy Ghost to finally trust God and then one great day, i yielded and received Christ.

iPray

When i pray to God, i am actually communicating with my first love, God almighty, friend, father, deliverer, healer, provider, lover of my soul, refuge, fortress, my kinsman-redeemer, He loves me (no strings attached).

1. That i would trust the one i marry

Growing up, i got advice from mom and many female that 'men are wicked' so deep inside me when i was operating with a man, i expect cunningness and callousness and this is sometimes true of men, but not so for the believer, the kind of man i will marry so i choose to to trust in the one the holy ghost will lead me to.

2. That i may love, honor and respect him (not to be his slave but be submissive).

Experiences with my dad and some other fellow damaged my emotions but never could break my will. so as much as i have learnt to walk with instituted authority because that is God's will and way, i always instinctively subconsciously rebel, because i believe they will not do me good. (authority are meant to do good to the people under them, it is not always so but this is the way God designed it) when authority do you wrong, God fights for you; which is why you must not fight authority or your husband.Many people don't understand submission, let me put it this way. Isaac willingly went with Abraham to be sacrificed at the altar, God eventually provided a ram but Isaac was ready to do God's will. Jesus fought at the garden of Gethsemane to obey God and eventually defeated his fears and willingly went to the cross in submission to God's will even though the nails going through his arms hurt.

3. That i may choose right with all God's wisdom and revelation

I have met all kinds of guys, the ones with habits they won't give up, the straight and the narrow, the weak minded and the weak kneed, the prince charming with all the wealth, the seemingly perfect, all have the same thing in common, they are humans with flaws.I pray that i choose the man who would willingly submit himself to the leadership of the holy spirit everyday to break him and mold him and recreate his character and be willing to walk with the holy ghost all the days of his life. so lord, i am asking for a man with a teachable spirit, not who has arrived so that when the storms of life come, we can together find security in you and in your word. (I sure don't want to be the pastor in the home).

4. That i may be willing to grow and have the patience to prevail

I have learnt that millionaires are not made in a day; that they are made by revelation from God's spirit. so even though i have dated guys with money, i understand that money is not everything because we never ever get to meet the real them. money is not the criteria by which i choose a husband. If a man is not rich in his mind and God is not his source, all the money he ever receives is bound to fly away. I pray that i will have the patience to grow and watch my husband grow into all that God has called him to be.

5. That i may glorify God and express unspeakable joy and enjoy my singleness

That i may glorify God always no matter the circumstances. that i may trust God fully and of course learn to yield more and get closer to the Holy spirit.

In Jesus name, Amen

H e hates my guts...

He (i had no romantic entanglements with him whatsoever, he's really older than me) resents me but will never admit it. he feels like i don't deserve God's goodness. all this just helps me appreciate what God did when he sent Christ.

Can you remember a time when you did not ask for goodies and your mom/dad bought them, that feels like undeserved love se. well that's how salvation feels, you know what God's love takes so much better.
so no matter how many judges, scoffers and mockers mask themselves as believers (what exactly do they believe?) and mask their true feelings, i will wear my righteousness with pride and stand up to be counted as a light in Zion.

When i focus on them and their crazy notions and hypocritical judgmental attitude, i just want to give in and throw in the towel and run away but when have i ever taken the easy way out?

I am turning around and fighting them back (i am tired of being bullied) not the way they are used to fighting; by ganging up and creating division, pretending kindness and praying evil in the same breathe. acting nice and the next moment sending nasty comments, gossiping endlessly and preaching about how only you will... forget about it!

i on the other hand choose to do the word and trust my instincts (the holy ghost's voice for believers) that everything he says is true, i am going to feed them patience, kindness and understanding as much as it hurts.
(It feels like the first time i will be living by faith; the 5 months without opposition made me soft; i let down my guard and now everyone is holding bazookas and waiting, no praying for me to fail cos more is at stake).

since he is doing all the stuffs intentionally, this is my solution: no one can successfully put me down or tear me down because i know who i am and the greater One lives in me; the Holy ghost, he is my counselor, standby, and teacher so i am surrounded with favor and therefore i can't go wrong!

Peace.

more plots and more hatched plans

now its mocking
my pal in the office is gone
i have a safe haven though

doing much for the gospel
this is all that makes me pleased

more drama in the office
always trying to make me see

what exactly i don't know
i don't do revenge
so i am in the dark

asking for grace to get through this time
till God tells me what i want to hear

still doing his will
learning to be dead to anything
that does not matter

what really matters in the light of eternity
many things fall out

faith, hope and charity stand out
thinking understanding and speaking the word stand out

if only i would preach the word like i should
lord give me courage to speak...

a beautiful day...

I am supposed to be joyful continuous and i just don't feel it, sometimes i just want to put my pillow over my head and go for a long break but that not me, that's the turtle who always runs away from stuff speaking.

THis year, i am courageous and i feel unspeakable joy, its not natural; its something inside that knows that Christ did not die on the cross for nothing.

Neefemi made my day, she said this:

"Tisha – somebody else I also love – down to earth, loves God & takes no nonsense – I reckon you want her by your side in a battle".

I was touched and i felt like i was making a significant difference in a life, not the kind you look down your nose at and calculate on a richter scale but the one that God looks upon and smiles on from heaven.

i made a comment on fabulola's blog and even if its not that dramatic, i guess i am being honest, i think.

NO matter how today looks, i know i will need sunglases for all the light that will be shining out of me and my fam in 2010.

Merry Xmas and the bestest new year...

Merry Xmas and a prosperous new year to all of you that made my year memorable and helped me see good where i thought there was only evil.

to funkola
she's like the best friend i don't have now, if you check up on earlier posts, she's like always encouraging me

to neefemi who taught me about love and life and letting go cos you just can't control everything

to nigeriandramaqueen who blogs about paris, bulimia and physical abuse. she's the best, if blogville was boring, she was sure to be interesting.

to dante, who made me blog again when i nearly gave up blogging, the only guy who's fly and still understands gals, he doesn't think we are all about the money and the fashion.

to invisible, my blog big brother who coached me through many of the issues i had in 2008 and 2009

to mz dee one of the most interesting bloggers i know until canada stole her away from us, i hope she will blog again soon

to rayo who says it like it is, read her blog and you will be halfway between horrified and fascinated (what twilight and moonlight does to me) but you will never be able to resist coming back.

to chari and b'cups, the best couple i know on blogville

to b'ratti his poems are just so vivid and since i love stories i am always figuring them out.

to myne whitman a really talented writer but her warmth comes across on the online page. (you go girl!)

to kafo her piece on sarah palin tore my sides (from laughing)

to leggy, olufunke, zoebeliever, sir scribles, sugarking (can't believe i included you), BSNC, fragile looks, mike.

Happy xmas and a prosperous new year to y'll, expect the best this xmas.

am moving on again

It may not be perfect
but...


Whatever
God is faithful
He always comes through


I knew all of this
6months ago
so its no surprise

Learning new things sha
and i am still growing

God has more plans
My ears is open
But my lips are sealed.

Peace
I love anyway...

100 truths!

100 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT TISHA.

1. Last drink- water
2. Last phone call- my phone's missing, getting a new one this week
3. Last text message- none
4. Last song you listened to- frank Edwards 'don't you know you are beautiful'
5. Last time you cried- last week while watching Tyler Perry’s movie “why did I get married” i wanna watch it.


HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice - No way
7. Been cheated on- I don’t know! i am not a detective!
8. Kissed someone and regretted it- nope
9. did anyone notice 9 was missing: I am just loving God right now, can't explain it. He's so good and dependable and sure!
10. Been depressed – sadly i am human so yes, i have been
11. Been drunk and threw up – don't drink


LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS:
12. Blue
13. brown
14. wine red dresses or tops (still looking!)


IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends? Yes - a few
16. Fallen out of love?- Nope. when i fall, i never fall out of love, can move on and fall in love again. (done it twice)
17. Laughed until you cried? yeah it's fun
18. Met someone who changed you? Yeah - Jesus and a couple of friends
19. Found out who your true friends were? I have in 2000, and consequently other years
20. Found out someone was talking about you? yeah lotta times. made me mad, now i am used to it.
21. Kissed anyone on your friends list? not even in my dreams. yes, one.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life?-
More than enough
23. How many kids do you want to have?- 3 - twin boys and a girl
24. Do you have any pets? Yes. I am my own pet, would have wanted a puppy but what about when its a dog, don't like dogs.
25. Do you want to change your name?- nah! tisha is special
26. What did you do for your last birthday?- Bought cake and drinks and had fun. got lots of love from family, friends on FB and otherwise, foes even
27. What time did you wake up today?- woke at 2 am to pray, but woke up at 6.30am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?- Sleeping!
29. Name something you cannot wait for – To start my own business and be successful at the things i do.
30. Last time you saw your father- today, i live with my dad
31. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life?- The pace its moving at, i am so eager to do many things.
32. What are you listening to right now?- Just finished listening to 'Enough' by Chris Tomlin.
33. Have you ever spoken to someone named Tom? nope, you shoulda said tunde
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?- nothing right now, yesterday and 2 days before, it was controlling folks, today i have given it over to God
35. Most visited web page? www.facebook.com
36. What's your real name? wouldn't you like to know?
37. Nicknames- t-names, many
38. Relationship status- single
39. Zodiac sign- virgo (really)
40. Male, female or transgendered- beautifully feminine
41. Infant school – something military
42. Junior school– something military
43. High school- something military
44. Hair colour- scanty brown (i think)
45. Long or short- short when i am not on a weave and when it not roasting hot like now.
46. Height- 5 4' tall (smile)
47. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope, no crushes this year, at least no new ones
48. What do you like about yourself?- I love my Heart and my spirit, my body is another matter, i pamper my body and then some, feed my spirit sha!
49. Piercings- Nope
50. Tattoos – Nope
51. Righty or lefty - Righty

FIRSTS:
52. First surgery- None
53. First piercing- None
54. First bestfriend- a chic
56. First kiss - I don’t kiss n tell. (yeah me too! thanks colyns, i wasn't sure how to get out of that one)
57. First concert- can't remember, i love em'
58. First crush- i was 14


RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating- ate pastry and milk lol
60. Drinking- will milk do?
61. I'm about to- go meet with my Father.
62. Listening to- I told you before.
63. Waiting for- My dreams to come true...


YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids?- passionately (3)
65. Get married?- yup!
66. Careers in mind? Advertising and charity


WHICH IS BETTER ON THE OPPOSITE SEX:
67. Lips or eyes? Eyes i guess or lips, character matters more to moi! you should look good sha!
68. Hugs or kisses? Both
69. Shorter or taller? taller meen!
70. Older or younger? Does it matter? maybe, maybe not but preferably older
71. Romantic or spontaneous?romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? both
73. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive
74. Hook up or relationship? relationship of course
75. Trouble maker or hesitant? none


HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Shoplifted?- no.
77. Drank hard liquor?- nope
78. Lost glasses/ contacts?- don't need em, you know 20/20 vision, yeah i have it.
79. Sex in a public place?- No
80. Broken someone's heart?- i have, did not mean to sha!
81. Had your heart broken?- yep. i am human after all.
82. Been arrested?- No
83. Turned someone down?- yes
84. Cried when someone died?- Yeah, cry later mostly when i am in ma room
85. Liked a friend that is a guy/girl? - Of course.


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself?- yes
87. Miracles?- yes o!
88. Love at first sight? I don’t do love @ first sight but I can like someone at first sight
89. Heaven?- my home
90. Santa Clause? myth
91. Kiss on the first date? - no way
92. Angels?- I am a saint


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Is there one person you want to be with right now? yep lol
94. Had more than one bf/gf at one time?- nope. nope
95. Did you sing today? Yup. singing right now, always singing
96. Any regrets?- no regrets but I have done stuffs I am not proud of,now i just do my best to please God
97. If you could go back in time how far would you go? NOW
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it what day would it be?-my birthday
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?- Nope. i look forward to it.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?- truthfully all the way

My 'papa' didn't raise no fool...

So my spiritual dad taught me good. He did not raise a chic that would not know a 'playa' from a real guy.

So there's being drama in the office as usual. compared to last year, i have been prepared for any drama both physically and emotionally.

Guess what i did? i laid my sh..t bare to myself. i weighed the options, checked what i would gain and what i would lose. I checked where i stood with God if i would be pleasing him or not and put my self out there. I still covered my rear cos when you are at war in deep waters; you really don't know who has got your back and a superior somewhere told me "in this office, if you think anyone has got your back, you have got to be joking", i just told myself "abi one with God is majority, God has got my back then"
so i knew i was on my own so i called on the God of Abraham, in my case i wwill call him the God of Tisha. lol

I would have gotten hurt had i not prepared. i needed to know if it was worth it and all that. i still don't know

Good thing: I covered all the bases and i came out looking good and i was still sincere. i feel good about me and about the decisions i have been making. i know i will get God's best for me. How? He's got my back all the way. I am following the letter totally so i am good with God and with the folks around me. Monkey business is going on but i know the God who stands for me is not dead, i serve a living God.

I am still dreaming big! no one can take that away from me.

PS
If you don't understand, don't worry, it just means you havent been keeping a date

... still tisha all the way
Smile (Confidence is contagious and i have excess because He's speaking again)

i love to love...

I love how you are consistent
how you can be yourself and still love!

I love how i can be so totally losing it
and you still love me

i love how i can be focusing on my flaws and inadequacies
and still you love me

i love how i can be feeling that there's more, i mean there ought to be more
and you complete me

i love how i can be searching for guarantee
and you show me your words (o how they lift me)

i love how when i was searching, desperate desolate and you found me
just cos you love me

there can be no other like you...

i love how when i am searching for my boaz
and you say you hold him

thank you for helping me know how to love
cos you put your love in my heart

thank you for keeping my boaz
cos you love me.

I wanted to write a poem about my love for my boaz but i don't totally know how to love a man except God teaches me and so i wrote the poem to the lover of my soul, the one who completes me so i can complement another (......)

lol

trusting God

I got the courage to extract this from my private blog and post on my public blog because i am finally sure i can handle whatever...

Hey blogaratti, i stole ur poem and used it, hope you are not angry, it means something different to me than what it means to you...

he (BLOGORATTI) sounds a lot like someone i like, i could have said liked but its liked, he has such a forceful personality and is selfish (this makes me think i am crazy o) its not enough to sacrifice my faith for sha but enough to hurt sometimes cos i am a fixer and because i see no way out but i know that God is the way-maker.

I do not like the way you stare at me.
With those wild eyes.
(my eyes can be haunted, wild eyes, i don't know if i have wild eyes. i don't know that i stare at him but since i am afraid i have a message in my eyes, i usually avoid his eyes but my boss is still not satisfied)


I do not like the way you look.
With those dark clothes.
(i do wear dark clothes though, i will try to buy new clothes but will i be doing it because of me or because i like looking good, as soon as i resolve those feelings, then i will buy new shirts)



I do not like the way you love.
Empty feeling and emotions.
(i don't love, i only hold my emotions in because seriously i don't feel loved or comfortable in my environment. i don't know if i can have their kind of marriage and be satisfied in it, 'just pick anyone', 'love without trust', i feel they are living empty lives and the way the holy ghost makes me feel when i worship makes me know i can't live a 50% life, its 100% or nothing)


I do not like the way you are.
A stranger hiding in the dark.
(i can only be a stranger until i trust and if i can't trust then what will i do? my sis has fought with me, she says i am too distant, i can't be any different and i can't help myself, it makes me cry sometimes)


What would i like?
I would like to....

Think with your thoughts.
Watch with your eyes.
Love with your heart.
Escape with your body.
(this smacks of crazy unimaginable intimacy, can i be this close to anyone or allow anyone to be this close to me. i keep freezing people out and i can't help me, i can't even stop it. i can be snobbish and nasty and standoffish just to push people away and no one is special to me as soon as i have not let you in. 'escape with your body' i am not sure i am quite comfortable with that statement, my body belonging to someone else to manipulate at will, me freely giving up my body is not something i can phantom, i am scared...

i can't let go of me and only the holy ghost can set me free and someone says i should make the decision. why do i say this? it is because dee puts me off now (when i think of him, i just want to throw up), maybe its because he just wanted to have me at every cost and i do not think i could please anyone for long, i get irritated when i feel crowded. i hate anyone hovering around...

i just get irritated and i feel it is my right to be irritated and nasty
sometimes...
i can cry in the spirit but otherwise i will never show any emotion so yes i am cold and unfeeling but that was my defence when i just got raped and i used to be hit from every direction by people i did not even know but now it is a prison i can't out of myself. i need ur help holy ghost, help me, show me the way out, heal my emotions i pray...


n.j hurt me for a millisecond and then i shut him out...

felt good because he set out to hurt me and then on my birthday after planning to hurt me, he bought me stuffs. Let me reiterate that he hurt me cos i guess he was hurt i did not wish him happy birthday on his. i was frozen i just could not.
(like the physical goodies will take the hurt away, all he succeeded in making me do is build another wall.) i think i am a construction engineer. i build walls no one can take down except me with the help of the Holy ghost.

he just showed me he had his own issues, he does not acknowledge me in the presence of others (that smacks of high school games, duh!), it just shows me that he does not know himself yet... he is not confident in God, he depends on his strength and i just remembered why i don't look in His eyes, i see fear when i look in His eyes, i am better off by myself and the Holy Ghost is working on me.

CONCLUSION
His word has the capability to produce what it talks about. its neither a myth nor a folklore. some people say we have more faith than God, untrue, its just because we want to put limits on God so we label somethings impossible as though we are putting ourselves and our word in the line. i read someone that God is not afraid of being put on the spot. He knows that all of His word is potent.

so it happened when i was 10

I woke up and my brain told me that "put your legs on the ground and go to the toilet now". i reached out to put my feet down and i felt my head make impact with the floor.

lol now

so when i woke up in the morning (that was of course after i was helped to the toilet and back by my mom), my mom said i wasn't talking, i wasn't eating, i was just unconscious (for two whole weeks).

so when i finally was awake for as much as two days, the docs (two of my uncles) told me i could start eating, walking around, playing, whatever, they bought me anything i asked for so i knew i must have scared the shit outta them.

My siblings came the first night i woke up, they said they had been coming everyday for two week that the last sign of progress they had seen before now was when i was speaking gibberish. I was totally disconnected from what they were saying because the last memory i had was of drinking fanta at home, sleeping at home in the couch and waking up in a hospital bed.

The doctor (from luth) had come one after the other marveling at the miracle of a dead girl waking up again, they just couldn't understand it. my uncles had wanted to give up on me cos they had already pumped 29 drips and 2 pints of blood into me and i had shown no sign of waking up until that morning (2 am) when i tried to walk.

I spent the next few days learning to walk without crutches though (even though at 10, i thought walking with crutches was fun, i had friends who had broken their legs and i envied them their crutches, silly me) i was eating again...
laughing again
without a care in the world

My mom was worried scared because a friend borrowed my book and lost it and my mom was angry about it and so they bought another and you know us (as africans, we tend to be really fetish) my mom thot their mom had gone to do jazz on the book and so immediately i fell ill, she returned the book to the buyers.
whatever!
I survived it and only a miracle could have saved me then even though i was a kid and to me i was invisible. what am i trying to say, God wants us to trust Him like kids, we are invincible, so long as we believe it and don't allow doubt creep in.

I am over my anxiety attack but i am still waiting on God...

I wrote this because i woke up and i remembered what God had done for me and i wanted to say 'Thank you, My Love, My God'

Albeit, i became a star overnight, nothing like narrowly escaping death to make you a star overnight, whatever was glad, am glad and i have been keeping my angels busy ever since then

New decisions...

I wanted to write stuff.

I need to make some major decisions and i need to be sure that i am doing the right thing.
I gave myself an ultimatum
and now i have a deadline

I am not sure what i will do
but i do know i will make the right decisions
I had the feeling that
several people rushing me
making comments

but i think i am ready
i am tired
i feel afraid (fear has no place in me)
but i have the comforter (HG)
so i am sure that whatever decision
i make will be the right one (breathe!)

Love without trust...

yes i believe love goes out when trust ceases. some folks in my office said that you can love without trusting. i think thats a lie. if you love, you will show it by trusting, if there's no trust, then thats selfish love. for me, its either you love and trust me or you can't have me. i won't do love without trust. cos i don't do anything by halves.

I saw some (can't exactly call em friends) on fb, they are getting married soon and let me tell the truth, i was like, "is not fair" because they are cut-throat about life. they would be disappointed to hear me say that. but i have taken that right away from them. i wished them congrats but i am not going for their wedding because it would be a total waste of time and i am not going to even try to prove anything to them. On the contrary, i think they deserve each other (they will continue being themselves after marriage and if you know them like i do, they would be living the acting life and not true life). I used to call them (the both of them) friends but that all changed when i discovered they were not friends, at least not by my definition.

I have had enough of living the acting life, through being my parents children, i can do with reality. I want my life to be real and true. If you know me well like invisible (by the way, he's back, give it up for invisble, my blogville big brother and counselor)...
Anyway, sometimes i am totally sure of what i want out of life and other times i am not, but i do know what i do not want.

* i want to be able to totally trust and love the one i agree to walk down this road called life with.
* i want to be able to know that i can count on my family (immediate and otherwise) and my friends (two of em got married and i was like wow, i knew the guy and he was into this girl like forever, he kept on hoping and finally they are married. i am happy for you b**z, i am sure he must be out of his mind with joy, he's one of the really nice guys i know, a friend of a friend, has values and all)
* i want to be able to live a life that would count for something (currently doing that) but i want to do more
* i want to be more involved with charity (stuff and all that) something that would change the world starting with Nigeria
* i am about to have a big break (soonest) in all the areas of my life, God is just so good to me and my famille, lol

so i guess this is the post
I want to be more than just a name, someone to be reckoned with uhhmmm!
i mean i didn't go to college at 15 for nothing (amidst my challenges and all), i know i am unstoppable, i just hope i am ready for all the wonderful opportunities that have been coming my way
derilious laughter (my life is just totally blowing my mind) i can see the piture of it all.

uhmm! Faith
i get it everyday and yet there is more i need to comprehend!

You guys, its tisha...

hi

read my testimony on gee's blog

i finally got the courage to upload this on gee's church blog. something inside me just wanted to write the testimony.

i did not have the courage because i was scared of what people will say even on a blog and when they can't even see my face but when gee said it was for a service, i thought to myself can't you even bless someone online so i said why not? if someone finds out, too bad!

there is this stupid guy in my office,

was not going to rant but he got me unawares, he claims to ba a born again malo, but he is just a bloody bigot. he came into my office and was going though some mags in my office, he cursed the shit out of all the models in the mag.

so i just thot the idiots wife is preggers and so he is biffing slim gals cos this idiot moved on ma friend and i was very rude to him so he would get off her back and he hasn't forgiven me. i will gladly do same thing again, bloody nigga who can't keep his hands to himself and he was busy crucifying gals.

well i did not force him to get married to someone he did not love. so he's just b**ching all day and when i get tired of his nasty attitude (he was just onto gals today like maybe he could not forget some gal who broke his heart) i started speaking in tongues (words that come from the holy ghost, he tell you the words to say) so he yawned like 3-5 times, i just wanted to stand up from where i was seating and slap him 'abara' on his stupid razz looking head.

he is just a broken brother with no money. but i will make him uncomfortable

I STOLE THIS OFF LEGGY (thanks babe)

~~"If a bunch of guys are calling me a Bitch, I know I must be hitting a nerve, if they start calling me a Heartless Bitch, I know I've got them running scared, but the best part is when they call me a Cold, Heartless Bitch (my brother's personal favorite), because they know I am someone they will never be able to subjugate." -- -HBI Member, Dana ~~

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Thanks blogville...

Original Mbeke BBB Leggy Sirius Tara Omo Calabar Doll Muyiwa Bagucci Buttercup Gee Latisha To you guys who wouldn't give up on me when i started blogging again. I also want to say thanks to those who were with me btw Dec and march, you guys were sometimes the only source of encouragement i had Thanks. Blog-ville is the best place to be. I love you guys bushels and bushels.

can love turn to hate?

i don't think so.
except it was never love all along am i mad?
No i am strangely calm it might take me a week to react but i will react and i will have the right response.

I am allergic to bull shit and bad behavior which is why i am surprised i have not responded yet i am wondering should i blow up? or just give the silent treatment or just not give a hoot.

i don't have time for any lies anymore or any games anymore i just want to be me without anyone thinking they got a hold on the way i behave who do you think you are?

I am greater om my inside...

betrayal stinks more than love...

By the way i believe in love, i believe it is the greatest force on earth, 

it never fails and love is the greatest gift you can ever give anyone -Tisha

you can quote me anywhere, this is what i believe. (I also believe in Jesus, he's the centre of my world) okay so my kid sister let me call her Chloe has this ibo friend Nne and another friend lets call him Cute face. she went to school with cute face and they are really good friends. have not seen each other for quite a while and cute face is now a player. well her friend just got back from school and she introduced them and then after two days she goes to cute face house and her friend nne is over there and hanging out in the room and she did not say hi to his mom or siblings (in her mind, she's the g.friend and doesnt have to greet his mom or sibs). 

She's now hostile to my sis and its crazy coz she acting like she does not know her or at least is not loyal to her. so after nne's gone, her friend cute face comes out and they yarn and then he escorts her home. on the way home, they have this big fight and in the end he tells her that it will be over in 3 weeks (interpretation: he would have slept with her by then). my sis is defending her supposed friend and he says i quote "shut up, she's not your friend, i know more about her in the one week i have met her than you know about her in 4 years" and my sister is speechless. 

Its obvious she has lost her friend all because of her cute face best friend from high school, she's warned him to stop telling her about his runs with gals, its crazy cos his parents are committed Christians and he grew up in church. I have met him and he's a very well behaved young man (albeit with a too high opinion of himself). my sis says its because every woman young and old that cross his path are attracted to him and want him physically. that may be true but i think its warped cos he's a young man that is going somewhere to happen, if he can conquer his bad habits. 

Now my sis is in the middle because nne sis chi is one of her close friends and its crazy but chi is having a bday next month and she's wondering if she can go to the party without having a showdown with her friend. In my blunt manner, i told her that if cute face boy can make her turn then she might as well have told my sis they weren't friends from the beginning, she's acting all hostile and my sis is angry cos the chic who has been her friend for 4 years has betrayed her for a 3 week booty call... 

Is that all their friendship is worth, my sis is a little disillusioned, i am not sure what to tell her. (had a friend many years ago too, man came between us and funny thing she does not have the man today but she felt he was worth more than what we have. that can make you cynical about making friendships... i am not too open with making friendships, because if they are not going to last why bother?)

i am bored so i stole a post off 36...

Tagged No i wasn't tagged,

i was bored with nothing to do so i stole a post off 36 (promised to break it off for real with Dee, i don't think there will ever be anything btw me and him, its scary somehow but its right, i am closing the door to a black and white life with Dee, it won't be color because i'll be making myself do it out of necessity instead of it being something i really want to do. but i am still not in the market until september)

Q&A

1. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? 

black and red, trousers and camisole and french suit

2. WHAT KINDA UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING? 

let me check lacy black panties and bra, yes i am wearing a bra, i am not european. (thats a racist joke abi, honest, i am racist o and towards SA, i don't know why, maybe because their rape statistics is too high, whatever)

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? 

Come home running by Chris Tomlin

4. CAN YOU JUGGLE? 

no, i did not grow up in a circus or near a circus and i hope that came out right

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? 

rice, moinmoin and meat

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? 

blue, thats my fav color, i am currently looking for a blue t-shirt

7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? 

cool, harmattan's not so bad i think! (will not be sure until i come out of ma office to go home)

8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? 

someone who needs to hear the gospel

9. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? 

the look in the eyes (i am funny se) and then manners and then motive before the sharp dressing.

10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? 

i stole it off 36, i am bored and reading blogs, commenting on some...

11. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? 

to be honest i dont know, itend to come across as a bit of a snub so i dont know.

12. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? 

hopeful, not emotional thank God, my head is clear and my period is coming sef, i am usually an inner wreck (i am so calm outwardly, usually) when "miss red" (sounds so old fashioned is coming). i am a little high because i spoke with God this morning, i felt He had gone silent on me. He hadn't.

13. FAVOURITE DRINK? 

juice right now

14. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? 

dont do alcohol, had bad headache when i drank half a bottle of gordon sparks with Bf then, both of us drank half o!

15. FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAL? 

chicken and chips, i love anything fried

16. FAVOURITE SPORTS? 

Football (to watch), Volley ball (to play)

17. HAIR COLOUR? 

i have gone black this month, i should look gothic but it somehow goes with me, i look lighter

18. EYE COLOUR? 

dark brown i think

19 is missing

20. TATTOOS OR PIERCING? 

 none, i may get a piercing soon but no tatoo, unadventurous of me se, i am adventurous in other areas...

21. STAR SIGN? 

u really wanna know (something i am not)

22. FAVOURITE MONTH? 

Every month is loaded with favor for me, why on earth or in heavens must i pick any particular one?

24. FAVOURITE FOOD? 

dodo and beans

25. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? 

taken

27. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? 

everyday holds wonderful surprises for moi

28. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? 

i can't ask a guy out, i can flirt subtly, it always works (when i do flirt, that is, its been a while since i flirted, been getting all the guys with no work from me lately... don't want any of em, just friends for now)

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS BETTER? 

happy endings. im a sucka for love, yep i am a romantic, i daresay, no realist for me

30. SUMMER OR WINTER? 

Summer of course

31. HUGS OR KISSES? 

depends on the source. i absolutely love hugs (and kisses), will only or rather can only do both if i really care, at least something...that is hug o, for kisses, if i don't like you, just the imagination of kissing you (whoever) can make me throw up (yes o i am weird like that)

32. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? 

relationships. what? it takes me ages to connect emotionally, with many people i never get past the surface. if you do get past the surface with me, then you are very very special as a friend or otherwise.

33. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? 

chocolate (like my skin, so there's a clue! lol don't mind me)

34. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? 

always that is if you are a friend and just don't feel the need to hit back or compete.

35. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? 

no, i am not tagging anyone, this is for me and anyone who pops into my blog and reads

36. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? 

whatever, dunno, dun care (does that go? lol)

37. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING NOW? 

One Robert Ludlum book like that and a book to help my business acumen.

38. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? 

dont have one.

39. FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? 

Monopoly, i get to pretend im stikingly rich and own the whole town, yeah i love monopoly and scrabble when i have the time.

40. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? 

refused to take the last dose of the malaria drug i took last week and i am not taking it. i am fine!

41. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? 

i think of God and we talk and i say i know all of heavens backing me on this one and you know i trust you right cos my latest miracle is not too far away (as in 5 months, i still can't believe it but God is good, i am not unaware of the devices of the enemy sha... if you don't understand forget about it, you will soon)

42. WHICH DO YOU BELIEVE, EVOLUTION OR CREATION? 

Creation, evolution is so wacked o and i am a cell biologist but i just believe God spoke and it was o!

The 5- post thats going around like a bug...

My favorite song for last month was "if i were a boy", my favorite song for this month is "How can i keep from sing" 5 things that I would like to do: 1. Go somewhere fun like the Bahamas.. 2. Write with no pressures, i mean something more than bloggin, blogging is fun, i mean a project, a book or something. 3. be less distracted and more committed to God. 4. Write a romantic book, i am not funny, i am rather sweet 5. Spend time with my family (ma famille) 5 things that I look forward to: 1. A well-cooked meal as opposed to the fish smell poisoned food i get these days (i am sure my mum is mad at me cos everyone knows i can't stand the smell of unfried fish in food) 2. Romantic and High school movies (watched Twilight, crazy movie where a gal was in-love with a vampire who saved her life; i fell in love with the actor and not the vampire, i absolutely hate evil, can't forget that) 3. When i will be able to kiss unrestricted (something tells me it won't be much of a big deal anylonger; it will be stupid to say yes to Dee just because i want to kiss... don't even know if i want to kiss him...)(okay right now i am off kissing strange enough i absolutely detest kissing and i would not like to be owned, i want a partnership, have no problem with submission though! lol, yes i know its crazy and maybe its fear but this came upon me friday morning) 4. Visit Abuja and Calabar 5. Growing up (I know i am grown up but every day i still feel like a teenager if not that i now work for a living, i would have thot that i was still 19 in my parent's house) 5 things that I’d grab if my apartment caught fire: 1. make sure everyone's safe 2. My laptop (yeah, its an investment) 3. My creamy sandals (i just got them and they are creme de la creme) 4. My (i am thinking really hard...) sister cashmere sweater 5. My (i have jammed rock) my brothers radio (really cute one). The things that i value are more human than material possessions, maybe i'll change soon but i don't really think so! 5 random things about me: 1. I hate cooking food with raw or boiled fish, i'll throw up everything like 5 minutes later (which is currently why i am not eating at home and its telling on me) 2. Music soothes my soul, i can absolve almost anything no matter how terrible or ghastly and pour it out to God in worship (i guess that is what he meant when He said cast your cares upon me for i care for you...) 3. I love jeans and cotton tops and flat shoes even though i am terribly sexy on heels. (can't handle the attention which is why i am usually dressed girl next door even though occasionally i dress "sexy diva") 4. I prayed to God for my boobs to stop growing at size 34, i did not care what my beau would think, all that mattered was me, i hate boob-bouncing and with the kind of bras i wear, i don't bounce even when i jump...lol (the mind of a thirteen year old) 5. God and my family are the most important thing to moi! There is enough of me left for my beau sha! lol 5 things that I’m wearing right now: 1. Grey Calvin Klein T-shirt 2. Dolce and Gabbanna jeans 3. Human hair honey and brown 4. Cream atmosphere sandals 5. Black and white strapped bra and a black thong I thought it would be more, i enjoyed this... Peace

i made me be honest and ...

interesting too...
 i wasn't going to blog about this on my open blog but i decided to... cos i have the guts to live my best life everyday so read gutsy abi, lol I Believe...

Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
 (me and who for God's sake, i never argue, i think that is totally fake but how do you learn something you have not learned up till now) 

 And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
(i don't want to make any comparisons, my sister believes that you have the worst arguements with the ones you love; a sign of passion (hmmm! my sis is barely a teenager o) you don't fight at all and she believes that there is manipulation going on somehow, i believe her, i don't know why) I Believe...

We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. 
 (tisha and d-gal; never knew her, selfish 'binch') I Believe..

No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
  (boomboom n tisha) I Believe...

True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.. The same goes for true love.
 (liza2k n tisha) I Believe..

You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
(trust the wrong person, but you don't have to hurt forever, you can let go and let GOD) I Believe...

That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
(not on God's timetable, sha, His time is best if you have hind sight, yeah if u can see the end from the beginning...) I Believe...

You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
(like i could ever do that, i touch the people i am close to, forever making contact with them, hugs, touch, whatever meen 'blush', i don't know if i blush again, i think i am too jaded but then again...) I Believe...

You can keep going long after you think you can't.
  (His grace is sufficient, and He is always there, aside from him i think i would have fallen apart in 2000... but then He always has a plan Hmmmph! now just for me to shift and align with His plans) I Believe...,

 We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
(we can decide what we need to do and live with it joyfully) I Believe...

Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
(this is the hardest i have had to fight to maintain a good attitude, the month of july and God is proud of me, i am proud of me too 'smile' though not at all times, i nearly lost it many times because i can be mouthy!) I Believe...

Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
(i am a dangerous billionaire, for real! i mean really cleanly rich (as opposed to filthy rich, lol)) I Believe...

My best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
(The Holy ghost, i am not that close to any human being right now, Now if i can just discipline myself to spend time with Him consistently... 'make me' Lord i pray as in not force me o! just give me the right desires!) I Believe...

Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. (yep, i have had ravens feed me severally and people i expect to support me stab in the back so it just underlines the fact that the heart of man is desperately wicked; it just matter who is controlling the Man's/Woman's heart, and women did me more harm than men... so its not like i am biased against men ...or women for that matter, i just let them be (sigh!)) I Believe... 


Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
(oops, i think i am mature sha, no one will convince otherwise, i am teachable sha in many things) I Believe..

It isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
(forgave myself before i dated my ex, dante laughed at this) I Believe....

No matter how badly your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
(you can always pick yourself up and make yourself happy and i have never really being heart-broken anyway, my FB profile calls it "careful heart" (i am 007, the female version, the one that gets away time and again)) I Believe...

Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but. we are responsible for who we become.
(The world will know that someone came and made her mark in the sands of time which is some 60-70 years away) I Believe...

Two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
(don't try me, i can paint nine different pictures from one scenario) I Believe...

Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
(some good and some bad, i want to be the good influence in other peoples lives, overcome evil and be the good, no matter how difficult it seems) I Believe...

Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
(That's me, the one who the devil can't get, always willing to give a helping hand, my alter ego has been trying to make me a little harder and a little nasty so people cannot take advantage of me but i just don't give up, i went for a job interview and said i was resilient in my soft voice, they don't , know the half of it) I Believe...

Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
(I will live life with passion and make my world know that i am around and called to serve and unstoppable.) 

 I Believe... in you

(Yes thats me, i give people the hope that they can live again and have hope, Christ in me the hope of glory, you can be anything you want to be, the power is in your hands and on your tongue, never be satisfied with the ordinary) 

 Where is invisible? Tisha is back big time!

i just found out something heartbreaking!

i logged on FB and discovered that a friend (we were not that close) is gay. Its upsetting because she changed her r/ship status on FB that she is in a r/ship with a person who later turns to be a female. We were not close but we shared the same faith, and i believed that she believed God as much as I. Its sad because i don't think it is normal for a girl to want another gals body, you need to see the passion in her eyes. I immediately felt compassion for her and at the same time sad that someone got her to deny her faith somewhat. So i am wondering, if a girl makes a pass at me, will i fall in love so much so that i would deny a God who is not pleased with homosexualism or lesbianism. I am not trying to discriminate cos in the bible, Paul said that "we used to be idolaters, adulterers, fornicators, murderers etc". I am not your everyday judgmental Christian, i will tell you straight that God had a reason for destroying Sodom and gomorrah and He has not changed His mind about homosexuality, adultery, fornication etc. My prayer is that the fire of God comes alive in Her heart and God takes away her peace so she knows that though she is righteous, her actions do not please God. Someone made a pass at my sis and at my friend's wedding, the singer made a pass at me, but i did not know it was this bad. I thought it was only unbels (people who have not known Christ) that can be led away. I pray she longs for God so much she is uncomfortable in that unnatural r/ship with a female because i believe she has the nature of God so no one can steal her away from God. Otherwise i am coasting along and growing in my r/ship with God. Peace you I am an unapologetic Christian. I am proud to be an ambassador of Christ I am meant though to show people the love of God So to those who are straight, Jesus loves you To those who are fornicating (if you are sleeping with someone you are not married to) God still loves you To those who are gay, God loves you still To those who lie, steal, cheat, God loves you still To those who have not yet known Christ, God loves you To those who have known Christ but are discouraged, God still loves you and nothing can separate you from His love. To those who have known Christ and have courage, ride on, you make your Father proud. I still love her even though she's gay and i pray God will lead her home, she must be so hurt to want another girl. I pray the Holy Ghost sorts her out. She is not gay (except you mean happy, i mean outrageously happy, full of unspeakable joy) I worry about the most insane things well, i made a pact with God today that come september he will bring me the man of my dreams or i will say yes to Dee, i was a little sad today bcos Dee called again and asked if i was ready and i told him that i could not give him an answer today, I pray he has the patience to wait sha... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (i would think i was neurotic myself if not that i am so sure its God leading me, i don't know how many times He has to prove Himself to me. I have several proofs and i am not asking for any more proof just that he keep guiding and leading me)

I am glad!

I hear Him again I see things more clearly The chic that used to look me up and down invaded my private space and i am not even amazed i am not surprised I am in God's will He stopped speaking to me and i knew He was not mad at me so i was okay I guess i got too comfortable and soon i did not worship any longer instead i was about everyone's business but mine God had to shift me back into position Today i was persecuted but my spirit witnesses to me that i am in a good place exactly where God wants me to be. Adversity is opportunity to grow and Boy am i growing I am even blowing my own mind and that is a mean feat Relationship-wise i am not going to do anything I have made up my mind about certain things I am blessed and i hear only the word of God above the word of a man, any man I reject logic as logically as i am so you know this is serious business God is loving me has loved me still loves me and this is good enough. FOR NOW (big grin) (No man can compete with my love for God or God's love for me). Lesson for the month: Teach the word and live the word. One bothersome question i have is that: Is God proud of me? because i really want him to be. What He thinks about me matters a lot. Am i living to please God? this is important to me, i have been thinking about it over and over again. Hooking up with other blogs in the meantime, will post something that is not my thoughts soon. I am fulfilled.